Promises To Ourselves...

We have all made promises to ourselves at one time or another. We want to add something positive, like walking every day, or take away something negative, like eating junk food. Just like our New Year’s resolutions to eat better and exercise, we often break or fail to keep the promises we make to ourselves.

However, we take our promises a lot more seriously when we make them to someone else. We follow through on what we say because it’s the right thing to do. We gave our word. We don’t want others to lose trust in us or feel we aren’t dependable. These are strong motivators that make us keep our promises to others, but not ourselves. We forgive ourselves for breaking our promises much more easily than it would take someone else to forgive us.

Most promises made to ourselves start in the heat of an emotional moment when we are sick and tired of something. We may feel tired and sluggish and decide we need to diet. We may have credit card bills that we can’t pay off fast enough and decide to budget. We may watch the Academy Awards only to find out we haven’t seen any of the movies nominated and decide to get out more. Whatever it is that is bothering us, we decide that tomorrow we are going to do things differently. And we do…at least for a little while…then we fall back into old habits.

There are lots of ways I break promises to myself. I procrastinate. I tell myself I will do it tomorrow, but when tomorrow comes it’s today, so I put it off till tomorrow and the day after that. I find ways to distract myself from what I need to do, like finding something that is more important to do and can’t wait. That gives me the perfect excuse not to keep my promise. Another thing that sabotages me is that it is hard to start something new. They say that something doesn’t become a “habit” unless you do it consistently for six weeks. So even if you manage to start something and keep it up a few days you are always in danger of backsliding into old habits. Sometimes I will make a promise that I never really intended to keep or gave much thought to. Those promises die a quick death. And there are times when I am motivated and have every intention of following through, but I am derailed by something unexpected that has to take precedence or a disappointment that takes the wind out of my sails.

As I think about it though, I shouldn’t be breaking promises to myself. When I do, I am not only letting myself down, but those that love me too. My promises are all about making me a better, healthier, happier person. My family and friends deserve the best me I can be. I deserve to be a better friend to myself than I have been.

I have been on this 17 Day Diet for 94 days. I have stuck to it for the most part and have almost met my goal weight. However, I have not be 100% faithful. Since I easily lost the initial ten pounds I have slacked off on the water and exercise. I have kept some healthy things from the diet and not others. I am still losing weight, but I am not happy with myself. This blog gives me a good excuse to rethink, regroup and try to get back on track. I’m not getting any younger and, it’s more important than ever, to try to get on the road to good health.

It’s time that I kept my promises to myself and be as good a friend to me as I am to everyone else. Amen.

People Come Into Our Lives For A Reason…

We have often heard the quote, “People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime…” and I believe it’s true. Sometimes, in the hours of our greatest need, someone will walk in and help you get through whatever problems you are facing. It’s happened to me many times over the course of my lifetime. Sometimes, they don’t even come into your life in the real sense, but just their existence and knowledge of them, can make an impact on your life.

When I was a preteen and teenager, as most teenagers do, I had some serious growing pains. My parents argued a lot, my mother was critical of me, I was extra sensitive to everything and my hormones gave me mood swings I would not wish on my worst enemy. It’s going to sound stupid I know, but I found comfort in watching “Bewitched.” I would not miss an episode because it was my escape from reality. At bedtime, I would put myself to sleep by imagining I was part of that family and I could perform witchcraft. I often thought I would like to tell Elizabeth Montgomery how, without her knowing me, she helped me get through some pretty rough emotional times. I was so sad to learn she died so young and I would never get the chance to tell her, though I’m sure it would have meant more to me than to her.

At about the same time, I went to spend my summers with my cousin. The first time I went, her third baby was a year old. I love babies. I became a mother’s helper. In a couple of years she would have two more babies, one year apart. I was in heaven. I would try to spend as much time as the school year would allow me to spend there. The babies were really just a “bonus” to the bond I formed with my cousin during those summers. She was like a second mother to me, but she never criticized me. She would always say and do nice things for me and appreciated the help I gave her. Sometimes her kindness would make me cry, because I didn’t think I deserved it. I knew she loved me for who I was and she didn’t seem to see any of my faults. If she did she never mentioned them. This was another “escape” for me during those years. I learned a lot about love and kindness and that I was deserving of both. I always wanted to tell her what those times with her meant to me and, many years later, I went to Florida and had a talk with her one night and told her everything.

Also, during those years, I sent for a POW bracelet to wear. The name on the bracelet was Robert Shumaker. After 40 years of wondering if he ever made it back home, I found him online last fall and wrote him a letter. He wrote back. It was a very heart warming experience. I have blogged about it already on Veteran’s Day, in November, if anyone is interested in reading the story. I was thrilled to be able to communicate with him after so many years and to learn that he has had a full and happy life.

I guess what I am trying to convey today is that if there is someone out there, who has impacted your life in a positive way, maybe it’s not too late to let them know. It doesn’t matter who it is or what they have done. They may have done nothing, but their existence, their words, their actions may have affected you or helped you. It would be great if you could let them know.

I recall one Christmas when my mother invited everyone over to our house. My Aunt Mary always did Thanksgiving and New Year’s Eve year after year, my mother rarely had everyone over. I always appreciated all the work my aunt went through and the special memories she created for me and my cousins. That Christmas my cousins and I chipped in and got her a bracelet to show our appreciation. I wrote a nice note in card and said a few words about how we felt. Of course she started to tear up, it was unexpected and she was surprised, and then we all cried. I’ll never forget it.

We are all quick to speak from anger and tell people how much they hurt or disappointed us, but when it comes to expressing gratitude maybe we could use a little work on that. I have not witnessed many episodes of gratitude in my lifetime, but I have seen many arguments and harsh words said.

Just a little food for thought.
Please take a moment to watch this video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bLltt5cPDOc

Sex Education...

When my daughters were growing up, I knew one day we were going to have to have the “talk.” I wanted to be prepared to discuss it openly. I recall when I asked my mother about sex. I must have been about 12 or 13 years old at the time. My mother, at 50 years old, was two generations older than I was and not anxious to discuss this topic. When I approached her about it, she said, “wait here,” rummaged through her drawers and pulled out two pamphlets she got from Ann Landers. “Here, read these, and if you have any questions you can ask me,” she said. I read the pamphlets and had lots of questions. My mother was not well versed with the anatomically correct vocabulary and I could see she was uncomfortable. She tried to answer my questions and I am sure she was relieved when it was over. Of course, I also got a few lessons in health class, but that wasn’t till high school. I don’t think anyone in class took it very seriously.

One day I was talking to a woman in the schoolyard of my older daughter’s school. She informed me that the kids were going to have classes in sex education later in the year. This was fifth grade and my daughter was only 10. I was a little upset because I hadn’t plan on having the “talk” quite so early, and at the same time I was thankful that the woman had given me a heads up on this so I could pick a good time to discuss this with my daughter. I wanted her to get her information from me first, be able to ask her questions, and understand what was being discussed at school without hearing it for the first time. So I decided to wait for a long weekend so they we could discuss it and she could process it.

My older daughter sat and listened to everything and had a million questions, as usual. Always inquisitive and a sponge for information. It didn’t phase her in the least. I managed to explain that she was not to go around talking about this to her classmates because their parents should be the ones to tell them. I told her if she had any questions at all, about what we discussed or what she might hear from her friends or in class, she should come to me because there is a lot of misinformation out there. And, let me tell you, she continued to asked questions for quite a while after the “talk.”

One day we were visiting my in-laws and we decided to run an errand while the girls stayed behind. My mother in-law was very conservative and proper, mild and meek. So, when my 10 year old went up to her and asked, “What is a prostitute?,” while we were out on an errand, I can only imagine her reaction. She could not wait for us to get back and then she pulled me aside to tell me about my daughter’s question and that she didn’t know what to say. I had to tell her we had the birds and the bees talk and ever since she has had questions nonstop about it. I took my daughter aside and told her I would answer her question.
There was a very good program on PBS which discussed the topic thoroughly. I had taped it and saved it for the occasion. I watched it with my daughter. All her questions were eventually answered and she was satisfied. By the time they discussed it in school, she was well informed.

I’m not sure if I wanted her to learn about it in school because it was something I could handle myself. But I thought about how I learned about it, about how many parents would never get around to discussing it, about how I could not stop the school from teaching it and her classmates might be talking about it, and realized I had to go along with it. They picked the time for me by inserting it into the 5^th grade curriculum. Maybe ten or eleven is the best time to bring up the subject. Kids are more open to listening before their teenage years and actually still think parents know something. It seems wise to me to inform them while they are young and before hormones kick in, so they can process all they need to know.

P.S. All kids are different. I followed the same exact plan for my younger daughter because they were going to teach it in 5^th grade…she never asked me one single question and she couldn’t wait for me to stop bringing it up!
　
　
　

Special Edition: Our Rabbit, Snoopy, Died…

Our Rabbit, Snoopy, Died…

Snoopy was a small, black and white, dwarf rabbit. He was old. My younger daughter got him for her birthday when she was 11 so he was 10 years old. He lived a long life, we expected him to be nearing its end, but we didn’t expect it today. He was fine this morning. He ate his baby carrots as usual. I always imagined he would die during the night, so I had already told my husband that he should cover him and make sure I didn’t see him when I came down to breakfast. I wanted to be told, but I never wanted to see anything.

So today, when I set up my ironing board beside his cage and started ironing the first pair of 6 jeans, I didn’t expect him to have a “seizure” or “convulsion” of some kind. I witnessed it, had a moment of shock, and then screamed as I jumped away for the ironing board and the cage. But, my kitchen is small and the opening to leaving the room was by the cage. I started screaming to my daughter to come check to see if he was dead. I could see, from the corner of my eye, that he was lying motionless along side the length of the cage. I could not make myself take a closer look. I trusted my daughter, the science major who just dissected two rats last semester, would be able to deal with it. She couldn’t. She observes cautiously and tells me she thinks he is dead. I am still yelling to her to do something because I am trapped in the kitchen. I give her some baby carrots to put in his dish just in case. He doesn’t move. We decide she should get a sheet and cover the cage.

Once the cage is covered we regain our composure. I call my husband to tell him what happened and give him the number to the vet. While we are talking, my daughter screams…therefore I scream…I ask her what is it…she tells me the iron made a noise…I feel like killing her. I go back to my husband on the phone. He calls the vet and then informs me the vet wants $170 to dispose of the body and he will come home early and take care of it. I finish my ironing and then my daughter and I find a box for him to place Snoopy in. My daughter and I are still traumatized. We hug each other. Neither of us expected to witness his final moment, I think we are still in shock. We had no sign or warning that he was even ill.  We wait for my husband to get home.  He puts on some rubber gloves and I disappear.  I hear him ask, "Is he dead if his eyes are open?"  I run up the stairs as I hear my daughter answer yes.  He tells me he is leaving. 

Poor little Snoopy. He was always so quiet and sweet. RIP Snoopy.

Youth Is Wasted On The Young...

Youth Is Wasted On The Young…

A simple but poignant quote of George Bernard Shaw. Sure I heard it years ago, when I was young myself, but I never really appreciated all that it meant. I wish I had, maybe I would have taken advantage of my youth to do more, live more, learn more. Maybe not. We never think we are going to age when we are young. Ten years seems like an eternity when you are 20. Little did I know how fast the years would fly by the older I got. I never expected signs of aging to hit around the 30 - 35 year mark. Youth is fleeting. It doesn’t last very long at all and it would be nice if we could get the message across to young people while they have the opportunity to do something about it, before they lament “If only I were 20 again.”

When you are young you have your health. You are strong. You can work a 40 hour work week and stay out drinking all night Fridays and Saturdays and still get out of bed. Maybe you live at home, rent free, and you can accumulate a ton of money. You can save up to travel to exotic or exciting places and not worry about the expense. Your have your whole family around to support you and encourage you and even help and advise you on life matters. Everything you imagine seems possible, and it is. You have your whole lifetime ahead of you and your plans and dreams can become reality if you work hard enough.

But because the young don’t think or worry about tomorrow, they don’t always use their youth wisely. How can they? Wisdom comes with age and life experience. Life is experience is the one thing they lack. So they aren’t thinking about paying off their loans and credit cards as soon as possible so that the money they earn can be all their own. They aren’t worried about adding a car payment or getting that big screen television on credit. They aren’t saving to buy their own place so they don’t have to pay rent for the rest of their lives. They are sure as hell aren’t thinking about retirement and life insurance. They live for the day. Eat, drink and be merry…and let tomorrow worry about itself.

And tomorrow will bring it’s own worries with it. Eventually, the partying and drinking gets old. The youth starts to fade ever so slowly. Maturity starts to creep in. You want to settle down in your 30‘s, maybe buy a home and raise a family. Guess what? Those debts from your 20’s are weighing you down. The loans you were making minimum payments on are still thriving and feeding off their interest rates. You haven’t been able to save much and don’t have a big enough down payment so you can afford a mortgage and pay your loans off too. Welcome to the world of financial stress.

Before you graduate high school and/or college, there should be a mandatory course that all students must take about the practicalities of life. Financial information should be provided about how to pay off debt or never get into debt. How to budget and save money. How to invest money. Pitfalls and mistakes to avoid. A class like this would be invaluable to many students who are basically clueless as to how to handle money. We can’t give them wisdom, they have to get that from experience. But, we should give them the information and tools necessary to save them from living a lifetime in debt.

My parents, in their own way, imparted their financial wisdom on me and my brother. I like to think I have done a decent job of passing their legacy down to my girls. My parents never had debt, my husband and I never had debt and I hope my girls never do either.

I want my kids to have fun and enjoy their youth, but I don’t want them not thinking about the future too, because tomorrow comes sooner than any of us think.
　
　

Catfish

Yesterday I watched the movie Catfish, a true documentary of a guy named Nev Schulman and his online adventure. Nev is a 24 year old New York City photographer who receives an email asking permission to paint of one of his photos, from an 8 year old girl, named Abby. At first Nev’s brother videotapes the internet exchange of messages because of the interesting story of an 8 year old painter who is fascinated with his brother’s photograph. In the process of this developing friendship, Nev is friended on Facebook by several of Abby’s family members and their friends, including her 19 year old sister, Megan and her mother, Angela. Nev and Megan even develop a “romantic” long distance relationship online. Now, I have to stop before I give anyway any plot twists and turns. But there are many surprises to be revealed throughout this 90 minute movie which covers the 9 month internet exchanges and phone calls between Nev and Abby’s family.

Everyone who interacts with people online should consider watching this movie. The documentary is shot in an amateurish way because it was never intended to be a movie, but to record of this interesting relationship between Nev and Abby. However, once Nev and his brother discover there is a lot more to the story, they decide to pursue to it’s end, wherever that might lead them.

This movie is a perfect example of how we engage with people online, develop friendships, but really do not know who we are talking to. I can relate to some things in the movie based on my own personal experiences online. People are not always who they appear to be, they have issues, personality disorders, and it takes a while to discover all that. Of course this movie is an extreme example of what could happen, but as long as you are online talking to strangers, you are going to have a story to tell at some point.

Overall, 90 minutes is not a lot of time to invest to get a little education, if you are in the habit of making friends online. “There are people who are like catfish, who keep you on your toes.” So does this movie!

April Fool's Day!

The problem with April Fool’s Day is that everyone is on high alert for pranks. It’s hard to catch someone off guard and the prank has to have some realistic basis to get them to fall for it. I tried to find out how such a tradition got started, but there is nothing conclusive. Apparently, it is celebrated worldwide and started centuries ago. However, the problem is that you can’t trust any theories about the origins of April Fool’s Day because they can also be pranks.

When I was a kid I enjoyed the “holiday,” and I liked to play pranks on my mother. She was a great victim because of her outrageous reaction. At the same time, I had to be careful not to piss her off too much because I lived at home and she could make my life a living hell. The one prank that always worked was screaming “Roach.” We would be having normal conversation and I would then go into the bathroom and let out a loud scream. She would come running in as I was saying, “there’s a roach!” She start yelling “Where is it?” I would point to any random spot and she would start looking, spray can in hand. After a few seconds I would yell, “April Fool’s” and have a nice chuckle over it while the steam poured out of her ears. “I can’t believe you fall for this every year,” I would say, as I died laughing at her carrying on over it. The rest of my pranks were telling my brother and classmates their shoe was untied. Nine times out of ten, they would fall for that lame line and look down and realize they had been pranked. It was all in good fun.

I already warned my younger daughter, who is a prankster with a straight face, not to bother to prank me today. She likes to pull little pranks all year round just to get me agitated. She loves it when I react, just like I loved watching my mother have a fit over nothing. Sometimes she will make me think she got a bad grade; other times she opens a letter from school and pretends to read bad news; recently she suggested a song to me for my Facebook page that was the worst song ever and then was delighted to read all the negative comments I received! One time, she was responsible for watching a favorite show and reporting what happened to her older sister, who was too busy to watch. She told her one of the supporting characters had died. It wasn’t until days later that her sister learned that the character was live and well. I’ll have to be on guard all day because I know she is cooking something up in her mind. She had that “Cheshire grin” as she left for school this morning.

It’s early in the day so you have lots of time to come up with a sneaky prank to play on your loved ones. I’ll have to give it some thought. Maybe I can fool my daughter before she fools me?


PS I no sooner post this when my daughter calls to inform me she got to school ok, as usual.  Then she tells me it's SNOWING, knowing it would freak me out.  I run to the window and guess what...NO SNOW!  She's in trouble now!