My Younger Daughter's 30th Birthday

A nice Rainbow Cake!

It seems like yesterday when she was born. A little bundle of joy to complete our family. As bad as my memory is I will never forget that day or many of the ones since. It's hard to believe that she actually was born 30 years ago. She is one of the sweetest human beings to walk on this earth and it is my privilege to be her mom. She is a genuinely good person in every way. And, now she has reached a milestone birthday, it should be celebrated properly. But the timing for a big celebration just wasn't in the cards this year. And, truth be told, my daughter is a quiet, modest girl that doesn't like a lot of fanfare and attention, and a big party may not have been to her liking anyway.

There's been a lot going on in her life and mine through all of 2019 and continuing into 2020. Staring with her engagement, her sister having her first baby . . . her goddaughter, planning a wedding, buying a new house, getting rear-ended in a hit and run accident, and my own health issue which necessitated getting radiation treatments from the day after Christmas to early February. And did I mention wedding planning?  We are in the last three months before the wedding and there is a lot to do and loose ends to tie up and appointments to me made. All this after a world wind of celebration caused by the holidays. So a big birthday party would have been a bit overwhelming right now.

We decided on a nice small family dinner at one of our local favorite restaurants. This would be her celebration and also my husband's, who turned 65. My daughter suggested that we combine both birthdays which would save us all a weekend and a lot of time which is precious commodity right now. So I made reservations for this past Saturday and hoped the weather would cooperate with our plans.  Everything went smoothly. We all enjoyed our dinners and the baby, my sweet granddaughter, was very social and "read" the menu while we ate.

As for dessert, we always have that at home so we can digest our meals first. I was thinking about what kind of birthday cake to order that we all would enjoy. I have to say, at this point I was very sick of food of all kinds. Two months of holiday eating and 12 months of celebrating special occasions in 2019 has left me with little desire to indulge in much. But, the least I could do was to get a nice cake for my daughter and my husband. I found a bakery in the neighborhood that makes Rainbow Cakes. We all love rainbow cookies so I decided to go order one and surprise my daughter.  And, she was surprised when I cut into it and she saw what kind of cake it was.

As for gifts, we just had Christmas. This has been a problem every year since my daughter was born. What is left to get for her birthday in January after you have gotten everything for Christmas?  This year it wasn't too much of a dilemma. For Christmas I gave her and her fiancé "couple's gifts," which I got off the wedding registry. There were a few items that they hadn't gotten at the shower and they made nice gifts for Christmas. But I did feel bad that my daughter didn't get any personal gifts for her to enjoy. So I thought about it and came up with he idea to get her a nice simple jewelry box and a couple of pairs of earrings that I thought she would like, and she did.

Still, I feel a little bad that we didn't do more this year. Maybe next year we will make up for it. But for now, she was happy sharing her day with her family and looking forward to her wedding.

And just to show you just how sweet my daughter is, she brought a gift for her father. The only one he got that day. It was a handmade wooden watch that she really wanted him to have. It was only after she left, that we saw the inscription on the back that said, "Greatest Dad a daughter can have." It brought tears to our eyes and joy to our hearts. That's my baby girl!

2019: A Year of Taking The Good With The Bad

We have all heard that expression, "You have to take the good with the bad."  I was thinking about that this morning as I was reflecting on 2019 and all the things that happened last year.  Our family had some amazing celebrations for sure, but along with the blessings we did have a share of worries and stress. Taking the good with the bad, the year 2019 will certainly be one we will never forget.

Here's some of the good. Just a couple of months before 2018 ended, my older daughter announced she was pregnant and having a baby girl, and my younger daughter bought herself nice new car. Just a couple of days before the 2019 began, my younger daughter announced her engagement and showed us her beautiful ring. Wedding plans for a 2020 wedding had to begin almost immediately and some events had to be scheduled around her sister's pregnancy if she wanted her sister to be there for them. All of the main things were done within the first couple of months, the church, venue, photographer, DJ and MC and of course the bridal gown. When we went shopping for the dress my younger daughter handed her sister a card asking her to be her matron of honor, which made her tear up (mostly the hormones from the pregnancy). She actually found a dress that day and then we had a lovely lunch at a nearby restaurant. She had asked her future mother in law to come with us which was a wonderful idea and gave us all a chance to get more acquainted.

While all that was going on, it was also time to plan a baby shower. My older daughter had some issues with pregnancy and I was afraid that while the baby was due June 6th, she might be in a rush to get here early. So, invitations were sent out in February for a March shower. All went well at the shower, but now it was time for the engagement party for my younger daughter. I told her to bump up the date because I wasn't sure this baby would wait till June. April was a safer time to have the engagement party and that's what they did.

April is also the time I schedule my spring doctor appointments. This is when you have to take a little of the bad. My doctor, who has been monitoring a benign growth in my neck, had suggested that I consider radiation treatment. He was previously against it, but now he seemed to think it was a good idea. With all that I had going on in my life, I really wanted to postpone this until after my daughter's wedding. After thinking it over for a few weeks I decided I should try and get it done as soon as possible.  So I made an appointment with the radiation oncology doctor and after reviewing my case she said the radiation would stop the growth and put off surgery indefinitely (more good).

Now May rolls around and, just as I thought, my sweet baby granddaughter decided to make her grand debut about 10 days early.  Things start out normal enough with my daughter calling from the hospital early in the morning letting us know she was there. It wasn't till after the baby was born and things had settled down that I learned that during labor the baby was in distress. After two pushes the doctor made the decision to do an emergency C-section. My daughter was not expecting this and due to the urgency of the doctor she was very afraid that something would happen to her and/or the baby. Thank God she was in the hands of a very good and experienced doctor who just didn't have time for her best bedside manner under the circumstances. She apologized afterwards and the new mother and daughter were both healthy and happy when I went to the hospital to see them.

In June, after seven years of studying, my goddaughter graduated with her DPT degree (Doctor of Physical Therapy). It's been a long and challenging journey and it was finally over. Her mother, my cousin, threw her a party to celebrate this huge achievement. We are all so proud of her.  She's the first doctor in the family!

July was a relatively "quiet" month in that there were no celebrations and no issues to worry about.  But my younger daughter did go to an open house with her fiancé and they loved it, so they made an offer. The offer was accepted soon after.  And then the mortgage process began, wedding plans take a back seat for the moment. More of the good!

In August my girls threw me a surprise 65th birthday party. It was unexpected, but exactly how I wanted to celebrate my birthday with all my family around me. It was a wonderful day. And, a couple of weeks later my younger daughter and her fiancé closed on their new house. I still can't believe this all happened as fast as it did. But wait, there's more. One of my cousin's sons got a promotion at work to a management position with a title that's longer than this blog (just kidding). More great news! So proud and happy for him! And then, as if that wasn't enough, his brother, who had taken and passed 7 out of 8 insurance exams, let us know that he had passed the 8th and final exam. Not only is it very difficult to pass all 8 and it could take years to do it, but he did it all in a year and a half. His employers were very happy too and gave him a nice bonus for his achievement.  Apparently August was a good month! There is a short pause in September, either that or I just don't remember what, if anything, happened. Who could blame me?

In October, my cousin turned 60 years old and her three kids threw her a special surprise party. It was a great celebration. And while they were planning that, my daughter and her husband were planning the baby's baptism. If they had waited much longer the baby would not have been able to fit in the beautiful christening gown that both of my girls wore for their baptisms. I had to make a nice long sweater to go with it because it was a colder time of year, but it got done with time to spare.

In November we had the baby's baptism. She was so good throughout the ceremony. Even the priest commented on how good she was and just shy of 6 months old too. It was also in November that I met with the radiation doctor again. She was prepared to schedule my treatments to begin in December. I have to admit I was a bit overwhelmed with everything that had been going on and still what remained to do. I didn't want the holidays to be overshadowed by these treatments, which were going to take up every week day for 30 days. There was a lot to be done and so little time. Amazon to the rescue . . . I got cracking on my Christmas shopping while I was still home to wait for packages to arrive. But then, a few days after the baptism and right before Thanksgiving, some jerk who was probably texting and driving, rammed his SUV into my younger daughter's new car. Thank God she was okay, but it was a terrible experience for her and I was so upset. It was a hit and run so there was nothing to be done but file a claim and get the repairs done.  Still I was heartbroken for her and it caused a great deal of stress at a time when things were already stressful enough.

December rolled around too quickly. But I was determined that the baby's first Christmas at our house would be as special as I could make it. I put up my tree right after Thanksgiving. The radiation treatment center gave me a choice of starting radiation on the 17th or the 26th of December! Of course I chose the 26th so I could have my holidays in peace. I would have time to cook and shop and wrap and everything would be ready ahead of time. Then I could focus on myself and getting to and from the appointments without having to worry about running out of time. Christmas was wonderful, the gifts plentiful, the lasagna delicious, the baby was as good as gold.

Yes, 2019 was a full year of blessings and celebrations with a dash of unavoidable events that in the end worked themselves out. I guess that's life.  You gotta take the good with the bad and count your blessings. Here's to hoping all our days in 2020 are full of the "good" with as little of the "bad" as possible.

A New Medical Journey . . .

65 and going strong!

It was fifteen years ago when I was diagnosed with a rare cancer, Leiomyo sarcoma, in the groin. I had surgery and radiation and than God that worked. It was difficult living with that cloud over my head and my children being only 14 and 16 at the time. But we all survived and moved on to the next chapter of our lives. The girls now adults and settling down with their own families and my husband and I looking forward to real retirement. My prayers were answered for beating this and being able to finish raising my girls.

Fast forward eleven years, during one of my follow up appointments with my oncologist, she feels a slight swelling on the left side of my neck. It's not visible to the human eye, not even doctors could "see" it, but she felt it should be checked and sent me for tests. Sure enough, the ultrasound showed a mass, the CT scan confirmed it and then there was an MRI. You can't have too many tests. What it was at this point no one could tell me, but I was referred to a very sweet surgeon who wanted it checked further and sent me for a needle biopsy.  Those results showed a benign growth that I was told could have been growing for 20 years very slowly. The biopsy showed it was a schwannoma tumor, another very rare condition in a rare location, in the vagus nerve (which controls speech and swallowing) and is also very close to the carotid artery and other vital structures. My surgeon said we should wait and watch before considering surgery. For four years we have been waiting and watching. When I would bring up surgery, he would just say "let's sit tight."

This year I saw my surgeon for our regular appointment. He examined the MRI results and as usual there was a small amount of growth, but over the four years the tumor was now clearly visible to everyone. He suddenly suggested I should see a radiation doctor. I was a little taken aback because he seemed against radiation in our previous conversations. I protested.  I had a daughter due to give birth and another daughter's wedding to plan. I didn't have time for radiation and any side effects right now. I asked if it could wait until after the wedding without losing the option for radiation and being stuck with surgery. He said it would be fine if I waited. Then I saw my oncologist a couple of months later and told her what the surgeon had said. She also was against radiation, but said she would speak with him and get back to me after I said he mentioned it could affect my swallowing.

Next thing you know I have an appointment with a radiation doctor. I look up the doctor online to see what other patients think of her. I am very impressed. She is renown in her field. She is chief of the radiation department at MSKCC. She has been working with Proton Radiation Therapy for years and it's been curing some cancers. I watched a video where she explains how it works. The beams are pencil point thin, they stop before exiting the tumor, it has less side effects than regular radiation and less harm to healthy cells. But this is not cancer, so I wonder if I will qualify.

At our appointment, Dr. Nancy Lee meets with me. She is so nice and takes the time to explain everything to me. She says it will be "easy peasy" to get this tumor to stop growing with the treatments. She has found it to be 100 per cent successful in stopping growth, but probably won't shrink it. In any case it would put off any surgery indefinitely. Her only concern was getting me approved financially because most insurances will not pay for this new radiation. I tell her I will be on Medicare next month and have supplemental insurance. She is very happy to hear that. Medicare is one of the few insurances to cover this therapy. And, up until now the only place to go for Proton Radiation Therapy has been to New Jersey. Just so happens, a brand new state of the art Proton Center opened in New York City at this exact same time. It's like all the stars were aligned to make this happen. Dr Lee. said she wanted to commend my surgeon for recommending this therapy rather than surgery. Many surgeons only refer inoperable patients. I realize that maybe he had been "stalling" these four years because he knew Dr. Lee and that the Proton Center would be opening soon and I would benefit from it?  I really owe this doctor a big debt of gratitude.

I went for my first appointment yesterday at the New York Proton Center. They treated me like a VIP. I had to have a fitted mask made to hold my head perfectly still during treatments. Then they did a CT scan and an MRI with the mask on. This is going to be used to map out where the proton beams will go during treatments. I'm glad I decided not to put it off. No one really knows if waiting might have taken away this option. I will be going for 30 treatments, Monday through Friday, which will extend into early February.

The timing isn't as convenient as it could be. Traveling in the winter months can be an ordeal. Trying to plan a wedding between treatments might be a bit of a challenge. Having free time to babysit will depend on my appointments. My appointments will begin the day after Christmas, so I will have time to do my traditional decorating and wrapping and cooking without any added stress. It may be a bit of a challenge, but it's doable. I have been blessed with fantastic doctors who have been very caring and conscientious all these years. Medical science is making things possible that were never possible before. Christmas time is really a season of miracles.

I want to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. I hope you all get your prayers answered and your own miracles are granted.

Another Wedding . . . Another Shower!

Last Saturday we had a bridal shower for my younger daughter. It's not so easy planning a second shower as you might think.  When you've already had a wonderful shower for your older daughter, you have to come up with fresh ideas, venue, timing, gifts etc. or else you will have a "rerun" of the previous event . . . and how would that be "special?"  Every bride deserves a shower to remember and to be surprised when it happens. This is what we did.

First we had to pick a date. You might think, what's the big deal?  Well, we have a March wedding, so we have to consider the holidays and then the unpredictable winter weather all before March. Then there's the little fact that the bride turns 30 in January and her father turns 65, both milestone occasions that we want to celebrate. There's also the fact that the grooms brother is getting married in June and that couple also has to have a shower and both families have to work around both weddings. I could go on, but this is why we had the shower earlier than tradition would call for.

Then I had to decide on a place for the event. I remembered a small Italian restaurant where the food was very good, but the place was too small to hold a shower. Something told me to look at their website. I saw a mention of a party room that was decorated like a courtyard in Tuscany, Italy.  I went to go look at it and booked the shower immediately. The room was so different, so unique, you could almost believe you were sitting in an Italian courtyard! The two owners were one nicer than the other. They prepared a wonderful menu for the guests to choose from. I was very happy to have the shower there.

Next we had to come up with a lie to get my daughter there. Not only did we have to have a good lie that she would believe, but we had to make sure she would be "dressed up" for pictures. Her fiancé told me he would handle the "clever ruse" to get her there and dressed for the occasion. Great! One less thing for me to worry about. Mind you it took some work as my daughter kept trying to figure out where and when the shower would happen. But, he managed to keep her in the dark until the big day.

The rest of the things were taken care of early, once the venue was booked. Favors, invitations, gifts, and ordering a cake were all fairly easy. Wrapping the gifts, not so much. I could only find paper that was 30 inches long!  Hallmark must be slipping!

So the big day is finally here. I am a little nervous, hoping everything will go perfectly, and it did. The restaurant had the room all set up for us very early. We brought in our gifts and the cake. The seating arrangements were taken care of. The mother of the groom provided the beautiful balloons. And all the guests arrived on time. We just had to wait for my daughter.

She walked in, everyone yelled "Surprise!" She was expecting to go to a party for the groom's uncle. When she walked in she expected to see his side of the family. But then she saw her side of the family and for a moment she was frozen. I could see her wheels turning as she looked around. Her brain trying to process why her family was at his uncle's party, until it sunk in it was her shower!  We took lots of pictures throughout. Everyone had a great time. The food and service were excellent. It couldn't have gone any better.  On to the next celebration!

The End

65th Birthday and 65 Lies

It's been a busy year in our family to say the least. My older daughter gave birth to a baby girl at the end of May and needed a six week recuperation period from the emergency C-section she went through. Add to this the fact she hadn't been sleeping well for two months before the birth and since. My younger daughter got engaged right before New Year's Day and has been in wedding planning mode for several months. Add to this the fact that she and her fiancé just found a house and the closing is moving rather quickly, so they have been very busy.

And then there's the little matter of my 65th birthday coming up in the middle of all this.  I didn't know what to do about celebrating. I mentioned I wanted to have all my family at a dinner in a restaurant to the girls. My older daughter said she couldn't take the baby to a restaurant because she was too little and would probably cry and upset all the diners. Still, I thought maybe I could find a way to have my little party at a restaurant. Then my younger daughter called me and said she and her fiancé wanted to take me out to a "popular Italian restaurant" for my birthday. I wasn't about to refuse since she was making time for me on my special day, so I accepted. And here's where the 65 lies begin. This was lie number one.

The next day I am talking to my older daughter and I told her that her sister invited us out for my birthday. I actually said she hijacked my party. My older daughter reminded me she couldn't go, but would come "after dinner" for coffee and cake at her sister's house. (Lie #2).  Of course I was disappointed a little, even though I understood, My granddaughter is adorable, but she does have an extraordinary set of lungs and she isn't afraid to use them. Okay, so now there was no family party and my older daughter couldn't even join us for dinner.

Now, two weeks before my birthday, I tell my younger daughter to check with her sister, to make sure she didn't change her mind about the birthday dinner.  After doing that, she should make sure she makes reservations for the four of us at 1 PM so we will be done eating early enough for her sister to join us after. She tells me "she made the reservations" and it's all set.

A few days before my birthday I ask my younger daughter if she called to confirm the reservations. She says no. I tell her she better do it. Its a popular restaurant and I don't want to drive an hour and not eat. A couple of hours later she tells me she called and "confirmed." We are all set.

Now my husband needs the address so we can drive to the restaurant. I go to the website and, as I write down the address, I am shocked to see that the hours of the restaurant are 5 PM to 11PM. Immediately I message my daughter to tell her what I saw. How do you make reservations for 1 PM if they open at 5 PM? She answers without skipping a heartbeat, "no it's fine", they "open earlier" in the "summer," she checked. I am still puzzled though. I ask why don't they update the website?  She says they just didn't do it, it's fine.

Are you following along with all the lies so far?  Good.

The day before the dinner I tell my daughter I will leave here around 11:30 AM, it takes an hour and there could be traffic. She tells me to go to her house and then "we will all go together" because parking "is bad" there. That's fine with me. Then, the morning of the party, I tell her maybe we will leave at 11:15 AM if we are coming to the house. She says "they won't be ready" until 12:30 PM - 12:45 PM so I should leave at 11:30 as planned, the restaurant is only ten minutes from the house. I don't want to rush her so I comply and leave as planned.

We hit no traffic at all and arrive at 12:30 PM. I tell my husband drive past the house and park and I will text to see if they are ready for us. I text that I am nearby and ask if they need more time. My daughter says no, just come in and "we will wait 20 minutes" before leaving for the restaurant.  so we turn the car around and park in the driveway. My daughter is at the front door, with a poker face, to welcome us and wish me a happy birthday. Her fiancé steps out to do the same. The theme from the Golden Girls is in the background. Then I hear what I think could be a baby sound from the other room, but dismiss it since my older daughter isn't coming till after dinner. Next thing I know my older daughter pops out holding my little granddaughter, saying "Surprise and Happy Birthday." I am in shock and go kiss the baby. Then from behind me I hear the voices of all my cousins saying "Surprise!" A second surprise! They were all there. My whole family.  I had tears in my eyes to see them all. I was speechless. Lots of hugs and kisses. I was trying to process how they managed to pull this off. All of them had known for weeks that this was going to happen. They told me the restaurant was closed till 5 PM and we were having the party at the house. I went to the backyard . . . or should I say the "lanai" which was decorated with tiki torches holding a Happy Birthday sign, balloons, little palm trees, palm tree plates and napkins and the flatware cleverly presented with our favorite Golden Girls, all due to my older daughter's and my own love of the show.

My future son-in-law did the barbecuing, my daughter helped set the table, my son-in-law took the baby inside for her nap as she was getting fussy (so her mom could stay outdoors and enjoy the party). The baby even slept for two hours so her parents could eat their dinner and have coffee and cake before she demanded her bottle.  There were gifts and a delicious ice cream cake that I requested. I couldn't have asked for a more perfect birthday. It was much better than going to a restaurant, because my older daughter and her family were able to be there with all of us. All this thanks to my younger daughter, her fiancé and 65 lies.

I can only say that after 65 years it was one of the best days of my life.

Pre-Birth Conversations: Birthstones

Which one would you pick?

During the last month of her pregnancy, while I was helping my daughter prepare for the birth of her daughter, we had many little conversations. It's funny the things that pop into your head while you wait for your precious bundle of joy. One of those conversations was about the baby's birthstone.

My daughter's due date was June 6th. This was early enough in June so that if the baby came a few days early hr birthstone would be for May. So the topic came up. If she arrived on or around her due date, her birthstone would be pearl, for June. But, if she was born in May, she would have an emerald stone. My daughter was not crazy about pearl for her daughter. As she explained to me, "it has no color, it's not even a stone." Then, to my surprise, she lamented about her own birthstone.  "Just like my birthstone, diamond, it has no color. I am always getting diamonds for gifts (poor thing) and I like stones with color." "There are worse things than having a jewelry box full of diamonds," I said, and I had to laugh. Truth be told, I guess I wasn't crazy about the pearl birthstone either, but it wasn't for us to decide. Nature would take it's course soon enough.

Shortly after this conversation, and about 10 days early, the "water broke." May 27th to be exact. This little girl was determined to be born in May. I don't know why she was in such a rush to come into this world unless, somehow, the baby heard us talking about birthstones and decided to come at end of May so she could have an emerald stone. 

My daughter calls me from the hospital very early that morning to tell me she has been admitted and adds, "I guess we don't have to worry about a pearl birthstone."

College Admissions Scandal and Lori Loughlin . . .

I sit here thinking. So many people are playing the lottery every day wishing for millions of dollars to change their lives. Years ago I read or saw a show on many of these winners whose lives were changed for the worse after winning all that money. It makes you think. Maybe money is the root of all evil. How many celebrities have died because they had the money to buy themselves small planes to fly and then crashed? And what brings all this back to mind is this Lori Loughlin scandal and everything about it.  

Here is a couple, Lori and her husband, who had more money than they could ever spend. Beautiful homes. Two very beautiful girls. Everything you could ever want in life and then some. But, at the end of the day, all that wasn't enough. They didn't teach their children to have a strong work ethic because, hey, money is pouring in and they didn't need to work hard in school to secure a good future for themselves like most kids with working parents. The girls knew they would always be taken care of and could basically live without a care in the world or follow their dreams to the ends of the earth. But, Lori and her husband had their own dreams for the girls. They would have both money and a college education at USC. No other college would do. So they used what they had . . . money . . . to "help" get their girls into a dream school and ultimately get the college degree that neither of the parents had. The 500K was just a drop in the bucket for them. They never considered the consequences or the moral and ethical lessons they were modeling for their children. And now, thanks to their lack of integrity, honesty and morals BUT plenty of money, they have turned all their lives upside down. The girls will not get the college education the parents dreamed of for them, instead they face worldwide disgrace and embarrassment. One girl lost her dream job as a social media influencer. Instead, she gets hate tweets and backlash for the actions of her parents and loses her sponsors, followers and money. Lori lost her job which kept her in the limelight in a favorable way. Yes, she is still in the limelight, but as the face of the largest college admissions scandal and looking at some serious prison time. Not a good look. And ironically, instead of helping her children, she ended up hurting them more than anyone else ever did.

Lori claims to have a strong religious faith, but somehow her religious beliefs didn't stop her from doing any number of illegal things necessary to commit these crimes. How does she reconcile her religious beliefs which are grounded in morality and her own actions? It's beyond me. There has to be at least a couple of commandments broken in all this.

Lori says God will get her through this, she did nothing any other parent wouldn't have done, she had good intentions and the judge will see that, and she is convinced she did nothing wrong. So instead of taking a plea, admitting guilt (for which there is plenty of evidence), apologizing and getting 6 months prison time, she and her husband now face a possible 40 years prison time. All of this thanks to their money and sense of entitlement. It really blows my mind that you could have everything you want in life AND peace of mind, and throw it all away. How can anyone do something so stupid and lose what's most important?

Maybe this is why I don't run out and play the mega lottery. We all think our lives would change for the better, but we can never know what twists and turns and temptations would be waiting for us if we were suddenly rich. I know, I can hear everyone saying it won't happen to me or they would take the risk if they could just win millions. I don't know. I always remember hearing, "as long as you have your health, you have everything." For my part, I am happy without hitting the lottery. We worked hard for all we have and we raised our girls to have a strong work ethic and good values. We are blessed and thankful . . . and we can sleep good at night.