Why I Don’t Like My Brother In-Law, Frank…

Frank is a nice enough guy.  He is college educated and calls himself an engineer (of some kind).  He works for the government and don’t ask on what, because he always says it’s top secret.  Frank left home, after he graduated college, and moved to Maryland so he could work in Washington D. C.  While his parents were still alive, up until 8 years ago, he would come visit maybe twice year.  He came at Thanksgiving and one other time.  Of course we had to go too because these were the only times my in-laws could see their three boys altogether, I would never deprived them of that.  

Frank married a woman much older than he was, who already raised a family, because she pressured him into it.  The reason was that my husband and I were getting married and she felt they also needed to tie the knot.  Frank had no backbone and gave in.  It was doomed from the start, but Frank has no common sense, which is why I never could warm up to him.  These are some of the stupid things he has said:

Once, we were bringing out a case of wine out to my mother in-law.  It was her favorite wine and she had trouble finding it.  Frank asked where we were going to put it to bring it out there (60 minutes from our house).  My husband told him the trunk of the car.  That set Frank off!  You would have thought we were transporting nuclear material.  He tells us, and he is dead serious, that wine is alcohol and it could put the car on fire!  We could not talk him out of his logic nor explain to him that truckloads of alcohol are transported every day all over the country.  

Frank always considered himself “Mr. Fix-it,” but he was far from it.  On one visit to his parents house, with all of us there, he decides to fix the chandelier over the dining room table. He had brought his tools from home.  I moved myself and the girls as far away as possible as soon as he took out the ladder.  He had no clue what he was doing, it was that obvious.  After a few minutes of puttering up there, we had no light.  No light in the whole apartment!  At least the chandelier didn’t fall on our heads.  He put everything back the way it was so we could have Thanksgiving dinner.

At my mother in-law’s funeral, we went out to dinner between visiting hours.  My husband’s friend, John, was coming later.  It came out in the discussion that John, who was separated from his wife, had a girlfriend and a daughter with that girlfriend.  Mine you this isn’t a hard concept to grasp, except for Frank.  He asked, “How can he have a daughter when he is married to Stella?”  My husband said, “Because he has a girlfriend.” Frank replies “Yeah, but he is married to Stella, how can he have a baby.”  By this time my teenage girls were laughing so hard they were crying.  They found it hilarious that this grown man could not put two and two together!

We went back to the funeral home and sat with the rest of my mother in-law’s family. There was some normal conversation going on, until Frank opened his mouth.  Thanksgiving was a week away and Frank blurts out his mother was always thoughtful and considerate.  “She even died the week before Thanksgiving so we could enjoy the holiday.”  I think that stupid statement was the last straw for me.  

I’m sure there were a few more examples of his stupidity, but I have a head cold or something like it, and it’s preventing me from recalling too much.  Maybe that is for the best.