Interview With a Nurse . . .

 

 

Yesterday I went to see a specialist (story for another blog, "Probably Nothing") and had a nice long interview with his nurse. She said she had most of my history already since I have been a patient at the hospital for over ten years. Still she had a million questions to ask me about. Here is a sample of the questions and answers:

 

Nurse: Other than the surgery to remove your tumor eleven years ago and the hysterectomy that followed, have you had any other surgeries?

 

Me: Yes, I had my tonsils and adenoids out when I was four and a miscarriage in 1986.

 

Nurse: So you still have your gall bladder, pancreas, . . .

 

Me: Yes, I have all my other body parts for now.

 

Nurse: Do you drink alcohol or wine and if so how often?

 

Me: To be conservative, I would say about once a month.

 

Nurse: So when you drink wine once a month do you have one, two or three or more glasses?

 

Me: Usually one glass is all I can handle now, no more fun times for me.

 

Nurse: Do you use any recreational drugs?

 

Me: No, but I think I should consider it. Do you have any?

 

Nurse: Do you have anxiety? rash? problems eating? fever? pain?  . . .

 

Me: No. Is this what I have to look forward to?

 

After we are done, she takes me back to the reception area to wait for an examination room. About 50 minutes later I get called in.

 

Nurse: The doctor will be in shortly. Do you have any questions?

 

Me: Well I had to be my own doctor for 5 weeks and started looking up things on the internet.

 

Nurse: That's never good.

 

Me: I know, but with my doctors on vacation what else could I do? I want to ask about the location of this mass because I know it's not good.

 

Nurse: The doctor will discuss that. What else did you research?

 

Me: I researched the doctor.

 

Nurse: And what did you find out?

 

Me: Well, I know he has 22 years experience, he has written about 30 books, he went to Italy to learn new surgical techniques and there's a long waitin time in the receptiona area . . . but his patients say he is worth the wait.

 

Nurse: Did they really say that?

 

Me: Yes they did, and so far everything I learned is pretty accurate.

 

The doctor enters. He is very nice. He says he has heard a lot about me from his nurse and my oncologist, who referred me to him. I hope it was all good, because I gave them both plenty to talk about.