A New Medical Journey . . .

65 and going strong!

It was fifteen years ago when I was diagnosed with a rare cancer, Leiomyo sarcoma, in the groin. I had surgery and radiation and than God that worked. It was difficult living with that cloud over my head and my children being only 14 and 16 at the time. But we all survived and moved on to the next chapter of our lives. The girls now adults and settling down with their own families and my husband and I looking forward to real retirement. My prayers were answered for beating this and being able to finish raising my girls.

Fast forward eleven years, during one of my follow up appointments with my oncologist, she feels a slight swelling on the left side of my neck. It's not visible to the human eye, not even doctors could "see" it, but she felt it should be checked and sent me for tests. Sure enough, the ultrasound showed a mass, the CT scan confirmed it and then there was an MRI. You can't have too many tests. What it was at this point no one could tell me, but I was referred to a very sweet surgeon who wanted it checked further and sent me for a needle biopsy.  Those results showed a benign growth that I was told could have been growing for 20 years very slowly. The biopsy showed it was a schwannoma tumor, another very rare condition in a rare location, in the vagus nerve (which controls speech and swallowing) and is also very close to the carotid artery and other vital structures. My surgeon said we should wait and watch before considering surgery. For four years we have been waiting and watching. When I would bring up surgery, he would just say "let's sit tight."

This year I saw my surgeon for our regular appointment. He examined the MRI results and as usual there was a small amount of growth, but over the four years the tumor was now clearly visible to everyone. He suddenly suggested I should see a radiation doctor. I was a little taken aback because he seemed against radiation in our previous conversations. I protested.  I had a daughter due to give birth and another daughter's wedding to plan. I didn't have time for radiation and any side effects right now. I asked if it could wait until after the wedding without losing the option for radiation and being stuck with surgery. He said it would be fine if I waited. Then I saw my oncologist a couple of months later and told her what the surgeon had said. She also was against radiation, but said she would speak with him and get back to me after I said he mentioned it could affect my swallowing.

Next thing you know I have an appointment with a radiation doctor. I look up the doctor online to see what other patients think of her. I am very impressed. She is renown in her field. She is chief of the radiation department at MSKCC. She has been working with Proton Radiation Therapy for years and it's been curing some cancers. I watched a video where she explains how it works. The beams are pencil point thin, they stop before exiting the tumor, it has less side effects than regular radiation and less harm to healthy cells. But this is not cancer, so I wonder if I will qualify.

At our appointment, Dr. Nancy Lee meets with me. She is so nice and takes the time to explain everything to me. She says it will be "easy peasy" to get this tumor to stop growing with the treatments. She has found it to be 100 per cent successful in stopping growth, but probably won't shrink it. In any case it would put off any surgery indefinitely. Her only concern was getting me approved financially because most insurances will not pay for this new radiation. I tell her I will be on Medicare next month and have supplemental insurance. She is very happy to hear that. Medicare is one of the few insurances to cover this therapy. And, up until now the only place to go for Proton Radiation Therapy has been to New Jersey. Just so happens, a brand new state of the art Proton Center opened in New York City at this exact same time. It's like all the stars were aligned to make this happen. Dr Lee. said she wanted to commend my surgeon for recommending this therapy rather than surgery. Many surgeons only refer inoperable patients. I realize that maybe he had been "stalling" these four years because he knew Dr. Lee and that the Proton Center would be opening soon and I would benefit from it?  I really owe this doctor a big debt of gratitude.

I went for my first appointment yesterday at the New York Proton Center. They treated me like a VIP. I had to have a fitted mask made to hold my head perfectly still during treatments. Then they did a CT scan and an MRI with the mask on. This is going to be used to map out where the proton beams will go during treatments. I'm glad I decided not to put it off. No one really knows if waiting might have taken away this option. I will be going for 30 treatments, Monday through Friday, which will extend into early February.

The timing isn't as convenient as it could be. Traveling in the winter months can be an ordeal. Trying to plan a wedding between treatments might be a bit of a challenge. Having free time to babysit will depend on my appointments. My appointments will begin the day after Christmas, so I will have time to do my traditional decorating and wrapping and cooking without any added stress. It may be a bit of a challenge, but it's doable. I have been blessed with fantastic doctors who have been very caring and conscientious all these years. Medical science is making things possible that were never possible before. Christmas time is really a season of miracles.

I want to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. I hope you all get your prayers answered and your own miracles are granted.

Another Wedding . . . Another Shower!

Last Saturday we had a bridal shower for my younger daughter. It's not so easy planning a second shower as you might think.  When you've already had a wonderful shower for your older daughter, you have to come up with fresh ideas, venue, timing, gifts etc. or else you will have a "rerun" of the previous event . . . and how would that be "special?"  Every bride deserves a shower to remember and to be surprised when it happens. This is what we did.

First we had to pick a date. You might think, what's the big deal?  Well, we have a March wedding, so we have to consider the holidays and then the unpredictable winter weather all before March. Then there's the little fact that the bride turns 30 in January and her father turns 65, both milestone occasions that we want to celebrate. There's also the fact that the grooms brother is getting married in June and that couple also has to have a shower and both families have to work around both weddings. I could go on, but this is why we had the shower earlier than tradition would call for.

Then I had to decide on a place for the event. I remembered a small Italian restaurant where the food was very good, but the place was too small to hold a shower. Something told me to look at their website. I saw a mention of a party room that was decorated like a courtyard in Tuscany, Italy.  I went to go look at it and booked the shower immediately. The room was so different, so unique, you could almost believe you were sitting in an Italian courtyard! The two owners were one nicer than the other. They prepared a wonderful menu for the guests to choose from. I was very happy to have the shower there.

Next we had to come up with a lie to get my daughter there. Not only did we have to have a good lie that she would believe, but we had to make sure she would be "dressed up" for pictures. Her fiancé told me he would handle the "clever ruse" to get her there and dressed for the occasion. Great! One less thing for me to worry about. Mind you it took some work as my daughter kept trying to figure out where and when the shower would happen. But, he managed to keep her in the dark until the big day.

The rest of the things were taken care of early, once the venue was booked. Favors, invitations, gifts, and ordering a cake were all fairly easy. Wrapping the gifts, not so much. I could only find paper that was 30 inches long!  Hallmark must be slipping!

So the big day is finally here. I am a little nervous, hoping everything will go perfectly, and it did. The restaurant had the room all set up for us very early. We brought in our gifts and the cake. The seating arrangements were taken care of. The mother of the groom provided the beautiful balloons. And all the guests arrived on time. We just had to wait for my daughter.

She walked in, everyone yelled "Surprise!" She was expecting to go to a party for the groom's uncle. When she walked in she expected to see his side of the family. But then she saw her side of the family and for a moment she was frozen. I could see her wheels turning as she looked around. Her brain trying to process why her family was at his uncle's party, until it sunk in it was her shower!  We took lots of pictures throughout. Everyone had a great time. The food and service were excellent. It couldn't have gone any better.  On to the next celebration!

The End

65th Birthday and 65 Lies

It's been a busy year in our family to say the least. My older daughter gave birth to a baby girl at the end of May and needed a six week recuperation period from the emergency C-section she went through. Add to this the fact she hadn't been sleeping well for two months before the birth and since. My younger daughter got engaged right before New Year's Day and has been in wedding planning mode for several months. Add to this the fact that she and her fiancé just found a house and the closing is moving rather quickly, so they have been very busy.

And then there's the little matter of my 65th birthday coming up in the middle of all this.  I didn't know what to do about celebrating. I mentioned I wanted to have all my family at a dinner in a restaurant to the girls. My older daughter said she couldn't take the baby to a restaurant because she was too little and would probably cry and upset all the diners. Still, I thought maybe I could find a way to have my little party at a restaurant. Then my younger daughter called me and said she and her fiancé wanted to take me out to a "popular Italian restaurant" for my birthday. I wasn't about to refuse since she was making time for me on my special day, so I accepted. And here's where the 65 lies begin. This was lie number one.

The next day I am talking to my older daughter and I told her that her sister invited us out for my birthday. I actually said she hijacked my party. My older daughter reminded me she couldn't go, but would come "after dinner" for coffee and cake at her sister's house. (Lie #2).  Of course I was disappointed a little, even though I understood, My granddaughter is adorable, but she does have an extraordinary set of lungs and she isn't afraid to use them. Okay, so now there was no family party and my older daughter couldn't even join us for dinner.

Now, two weeks before my birthday, I tell my younger daughter to check with her sister, to make sure she didn't change her mind about the birthday dinner.  After doing that, she should make sure she makes reservations for the four of us at 1 PM so we will be done eating early enough for her sister to join us after. She tells me "she made the reservations" and it's all set.

A few days before my birthday I ask my younger daughter if she called to confirm the reservations. She says no. I tell her she better do it. Its a popular restaurant and I don't want to drive an hour and not eat. A couple of hours later she tells me she called and "confirmed." We are all set.

Now my husband needs the address so we can drive to the restaurant. I go to the website and, as I write down the address, I am shocked to see that the hours of the restaurant are 5 PM to 11PM. Immediately I message my daughter to tell her what I saw. How do you make reservations for 1 PM if they open at 5 PM? She answers without skipping a heartbeat, "no it's fine", they "open earlier" in the "summer," she checked. I am still puzzled though. I ask why don't they update the website?  She says they just didn't do it, it's fine.

Are you following along with all the lies so far?  Good.

The day before the dinner I tell my daughter I will leave here around 11:30 AM, it takes an hour and there could be traffic. She tells me to go to her house and then "we will all go together" because parking "is bad" there. That's fine with me. Then, the morning of the party, I tell her maybe we will leave at 11:15 AM if we are coming to the house. She says "they won't be ready" until 12:30 PM - 12:45 PM so I should leave at 11:30 as planned, the restaurant is only ten minutes from the house. I don't want to rush her so I comply and leave as planned.

We hit no traffic at all and arrive at 12:30 PM. I tell my husband drive past the house and park and I will text to see if they are ready for us. I text that I am nearby and ask if they need more time. My daughter says no, just come in and "we will wait 20 minutes" before leaving for the restaurant.  so we turn the car around and park in the driveway. My daughter is at the front door, with a poker face, to welcome us and wish me a happy birthday. Her fiancé steps out to do the same. The theme from the Golden Girls is in the background. Then I hear what I think could be a baby sound from the other room, but dismiss it since my older daughter isn't coming till after dinner. Next thing I know my older daughter pops out holding my little granddaughter, saying "Surprise and Happy Birthday." I am in shock and go kiss the baby. Then from behind me I hear the voices of all my cousins saying "Surprise!" A second surprise! They were all there. My whole family.  I had tears in my eyes to see them all. I was speechless. Lots of hugs and kisses. I was trying to process how they managed to pull this off. All of them had known for weeks that this was going to happen. They told me the restaurant was closed till 5 PM and we were having the party at the house. I went to the backyard . . . or should I say the "lanai" which was decorated with tiki torches holding a Happy Birthday sign, balloons, little palm trees, palm tree plates and napkins and the flatware cleverly presented with our favorite Golden Girls, all due to my older daughter's and my own love of the show.

My future son-in-law did the barbecuing, my daughter helped set the table, my son-in-law took the baby inside for her nap as she was getting fussy (so her mom could stay outdoors and enjoy the party). The baby even slept for two hours so her parents could eat their dinner and have coffee and cake before she demanded her bottle.  There were gifts and a delicious ice cream cake that I requested. I couldn't have asked for a more perfect birthday. It was much better than going to a restaurant, because my older daughter and her family were able to be there with all of us. All this thanks to my younger daughter, her fiancé and 65 lies.

I can only say that after 65 years it was one of the best days of my life.

Pre-Birth Conversations: Birthstones

Which one would you pick?

During the last month of her pregnancy, while I was helping my daughter prepare for the birth of her daughter, we had many little conversations. It's funny the things that pop into your head while you wait for your precious bundle of joy. One of those conversations was about the baby's birthstone.

My daughter's due date was June 6th. This was early enough in June so that if the baby came a few days early hr birthstone would be for May. So the topic came up. If she arrived on or around her due date, her birthstone would be pearl, for June. But, if she was born in May, she would have an emerald stone. My daughter was not crazy about pearl for her daughter. As she explained to me, "it has no color, it's not even a stone." Then, to my surprise, she lamented about her own birthstone.  "Just like my birthstone, diamond, it has no color. I am always getting diamonds for gifts (poor thing) and I like stones with color." "There are worse things than having a jewelry box full of diamonds," I said, and I had to laugh. Truth be told, I guess I wasn't crazy about the pearl birthstone either, but it wasn't for us to decide. Nature would take it's course soon enough.

Shortly after this conversation, and about 10 days early, the "water broke." May 27th to be exact. This little girl was determined to be born in May. I don't know why she was in such a rush to come into this world unless, somehow, the baby heard us talking about birthstones and decided to come at end of May so she could have an emerald stone. 

My daughter calls me from the hospital very early that morning to tell me she has been admitted and adds, "I guess we don't have to worry about a pearl birthstone."

College Admissions Scandal and Lori Loughlin . . .

I sit here thinking. So many people are playing the lottery every day wishing for millions of dollars to change their lives. Years ago I read or saw a show on many of these winners whose lives were changed for the worse after winning all that money. It makes you think. Maybe money is the root of all evil. How many celebrities have died because they had the money to buy themselves small planes to fly and then crashed? And what brings all this back to mind is this Lori Loughlin scandal and everything about it.  

Here is a couple, Lori and her husband, who had more money than they could ever spend. Beautiful homes. Two very beautiful girls. Everything you could ever want in life and then some. But, at the end of the day, all that wasn't enough. They didn't teach their children to have a strong work ethic because, hey, money is pouring in and they didn't need to work hard in school to secure a good future for themselves like most kids with working parents. The girls knew they would always be taken care of and could basically live without a care in the world or follow their dreams to the ends of the earth. But, Lori and her husband had their own dreams for the girls. They would have both money and a college education at USC. No other college would do. So they used what they had . . . money . . . to "help" get their girls into a dream school and ultimately get the college degree that neither of the parents had. The 500K was just a drop in the bucket for them. They never considered the consequences or the moral and ethical lessons they were modeling for their children. And now, thanks to their lack of integrity, honesty and morals BUT plenty of money, they have turned all their lives upside down. The girls will not get the college education the parents dreamed of for them, instead they face worldwide disgrace and embarrassment. One girl lost her dream job as a social media influencer. Instead, she gets hate tweets and backlash for the actions of her parents and loses her sponsors, followers and money. Lori lost her job which kept her in the limelight in a favorable way. Yes, she is still in the limelight, but as the face of the largest college admissions scandal and looking at some serious prison time. Not a good look. And ironically, instead of helping her children, she ended up hurting them more than anyone else ever did.

Lori claims to have a strong religious faith, but somehow her religious beliefs didn't stop her from doing any number of illegal things necessary to commit these crimes. How does she reconcile her religious beliefs which are grounded in morality and her own actions? It's beyond me. There has to be at least a couple of commandments broken in all this.

Lori says God will get her through this, she did nothing any other parent wouldn't have done, she had good intentions and the judge will see that, and she is convinced she did nothing wrong. So instead of taking a plea, admitting guilt (for which there is plenty of evidence), apologizing and getting 6 months prison time, she and her husband now face a possible 40 years prison time. All of this thanks to their money and sense of entitlement. It really blows my mind that you could have everything you want in life AND peace of mind, and throw it all away. How can anyone do something so stupid and lose what's most important?

Maybe this is why I don't run out and play the mega lottery. We all think our lives would change for the better, but we can never know what twists and turns and temptations would be waiting for us if we were suddenly rich. I know, I can hear everyone saying it won't happen to me or they would take the risk if they could just win millions. I don't know. I always remember hearing, "as long as you have your health, you have everything." For my part, I am happy without hitting the lottery. We worked hard for all we have and we raised our girls to have a strong work ethic and good values. We are blessed and thankful . . . and we can sleep good at night.

Empty Nest Syndrome . . .

The nest is empty. My  younger daughter has moved out. Yesterday was the first official day of the next phase of Act III of our lives. It's going to take some adjusting for me. In Act I of my life I dreamed of being a mother. In Act II of my life I was blessed to have two beautiful girls to love, nurture and raise. In Act III I am left with my husband and a small olive tree to take care of. The cycle of life. This is how it's supposed to be. I know it, everyone knows it. It's not that I am not happy for my girls. In fact, truth be told, I always prayed they would find young men who would love, honor and be true life partners. They have both found love and what more can I ask for? Nothing. But it's a bitter-sweet moment for me. I'm going to indulge myself with a little pity party today and then get over it.

I remember a scene from the movie, "Marty," where one of the old Italian sisters laments to the the other about her son moving out. She asks her, "What are you gonna do when Marty gets married? What are you gonna do? You have nobody to cook for, nobody to clean for. It's a terrible life, I tell you."  A bit overdramatic, but I'm sure many a mom has felt that way. We always know this day is coming and somehow we are never totally prepared for it. We can still be mothers, but from a distance.

My older daughter moved out three and a half years ago. I had a half-empty nest. That wasn't so bad. In fact, I found my own little ways to keep mothering without interfering. Every week, before I go food shopping, I always asks if she needs anything from the store. If I see items she uses or likes on sale, I'll pick them up and drop them off or wait till she visits to give them to her. If I cook something I know she enjoys, I'll make extra for her and deliver it. Today I am making her some egg salad that she can eat for breakfast this week. Little things like that make me feel like I am still doing something useful.  I'll probably do the same for my younger daughter.  Once a mom, always a mom.

In a couple of months my first grandchild will arrive. It's a baby girl. She's coming at the perfect time in my life and I know she will be the love of my life . . . of all our lives. I can't wait for her to get here and so I can relive all the moments and things I shared with my girls. I think I'll make a wonderful grandma and spoil her with just the right amount of indulgences. I am looking forward to watching my daughter as she raises her own daughter. I am curious to see her mothering style and how it might be similar and different than mine. I'll be ready with advice, if she needs it. My little empty nest may start to fill up with grandchildren, and I will love them all and look forward to their visits.

But today I miss being a mom. I miss the days when my girls were growing up. Every stage they went through was wonderful. We made the most of our time together. I treasure every moment of raising my girls and I always will.

A Baby Shower . . . Adding a Nut to the Family Tree

My daughter and son in law announced they were pregnant with a little girl three months ago, on Thanksgiving, 2018.  He handed us a little box to make this announcement and inside we found this:

And that little announcement is what inspired the theme for the baby shower I am planning: A Family Tree.  After searching online for ideas on what I could do, I basically came up empty.  The bad news is there weren't many people who went this route and, if they did, they didn't post pictures. The good news is this would be a fairly original and personal idea for a shower.  Now the brain storming begins!

First I needed to find an invitation that would kick off the theme.  I managed to find one that was perfect.  

My online search also lead me to "diaper cakes."  A cake made out of diapers and decorated to suit the theme of the shower.  Of course there were no Family Tree cakes online.  So I thought about it for a few days.  I decided to print out little triangular cards and type baby traditions from each of the five countries the baby's great-grandparents came from on each one. My plan was for them to be a banner that encircles each layer of the cake, but new born diapers are too small, so I improvised.  I also made little flags from the five countries to put on top of the cake.  Now I need to fill in the cake with some colorful items. The baby registry already had hats, mittens, and socks etc.  However, there were no baby toys on the registry. I bought a nice set of rattles and teething rings and got to work.  These were also a little too big for newborn diapers, but with a little ribbon I managed to get them on. Here is the end result.

I am pretty happy the way it turned out. 

My next idea was to create some work of art, maybe for the nursery. I came up with an idea of a family tree collage made from the maps of each of the five countries. Of course, the problem was finding a cheap enough atlas to cut up, and there would be no room for mistakes. So instead of buying maps, I decided to print them because not only was it cheaper, but I could make them different sizes and if I cut something wrong I would be able to print another.  I printed my first set of maps and they were too small. I printed my second set and they were too big. And, like Goldilocks, I finally found the perfect size! I sprayed them lightly with hair spray to "set" the ink so it wouldn't smear when using Mod Podge over them. I got myself a nice 16x20 canvas and some scissors and went to work.  This was the end result:

The top five large limbs represent the countries of the baby's ancestors and great-grandparents. The trunk is made up of the places where current family members live. The little heart in the center represents the baby. The little "plaque" at the bottom reads: "Family: like branches on a tree we grow in different directions, yet our roots remain as one."  I hope they like this tree and hang it in the baby's nursery.

Now I was on a roll.  I had another idea that I wish I had thought of when my children were born. I decided to ask all close family members to write a personal, handwritten note to the baby. It could be any length about anything.  It could be how they feel about the baby coming, words of advice or stories.  I told them I would put all these letters and notes in a special box for the parents to take home, read and then save for some future date to give to their daughter when she was ready. A time capsule of sorts for her college graduation, her wedding or when she was having her first child. Imagine opening a box with letters from your great grandparents and grandparents and other relatives that were written to you 20 or 30 years ago?  I hope my daughter and her husband will add their letters to the box before she is born.

Favors next. What could I give out that would tie all these ideas together?  A little online search lead me to olive tree seedlings!  Olives are an Italian favorite and the tree itself is fitting for the theme. I thought it would be an especially cute idea that the trees would be the same "age" as the baby, and if any one of them survived, they would be growing, along with her, for years to come.  I will order these in a couple weeks as instructed by the seller. They will be sent out just before the shower.  I made little tags of my own to hang on each on with the same quote that is on the family tree collage. Here it is:

My daughter's mother in law also picked up some wonderful favors to represent her son's side of the family, the Filipino side. She found some beautiful tea light favors made from capriz shells that are made in the Philippines. That was the perfect touch to our family tree theme. Here is what they looked like:

What's left?  The gifts, that's what. I have a nice stash of crochet items that I need to take out, get photos and wrap. I found a couple of children's books for the baby that tie in with the theme. One book is Filipino bedtime stories for her dad's side of the family. The other book is about an Italian man who comes to America from Italy, with a shovel, and works very hard (like my dad). 

My husband and I also decided to give them a "certificate" for a year's worth of baby diapers. I know that will be a big help and it's very practical. Did you know babies can go through about 3,000 diapers in their first year? Oy vey. We are also planning to set up a nice little college fund for the baby later in the year, because we all know how expensive that can be. We want our granddaughter to get off to a good start.

Two weeks before the shower and I decided to do a couple of little quilled cards. I made this one to go with a box full of crocheted blankets and sweaters that I made about two years ago.  Here it is:

And this one I made for my younger daughter to give because

she got the baby a stroller and car seat . . . 

And today is the shower, March 31st, 2019. The last piece of the party has now been picked up and I love the way it turned out.  Ladies and gentlemen . . . I present you the cake!

The cake turned out better than I imagined and I was thrilled when I picked it up.

Everyone at the restaurant was very attentive to our needs, the food was very good and we had our own private room so we could mingle and chat between meals, opening gifts and dessert. 

It really was a very special day and lots of warm memories were made for us all to treasure.

Being A Grandma and a Million Little Lies . . .

When my older daughter got married in July, 2016, I started thinking one day soon I will be a grandmother. Of course they needed time to settle into their new lives and they wanted to buy a house, so that took a little time.  And somehow, I had it pictured in my head, that when the time came, and my daughter found out she was pregnant, that I would be the third to know (you know, like right after she told her husband the little stick was pink).  But, life and my daughter are unpredictable.  I finally did get to find out I was going to be a grandma after a million little lies.

Let me take you back a little bit first. In September, 2017, my daughter and husband bought their first home. So, the baby was the next step and she told me she was thinking of starting a family in the fall of 2018, maybe October.  However, they took a trip to Mexico in May, 2018 and because of the outbreak of the Zika virus in the past, the CDC recommended waiting 6 months after a couple's return before trying to start a family.  This was a little disappointing, but just delayed the process for two months to December, 2018.  Fine.  Now, in October, 2018 something made me go check the CDC website and I learned that the wait time had been changed from 6 months to three months. I promptly sent the link to try daughter telling her she didn't need to wait.  She replied "oh really."  Lie number one, she already knew this in August and didn't share this information with me (and, as it turns out she was already pregnant). Also in October she comes down with some kind of bug and has a fever. She asks my husband and I to take her to urgent care. I ask her if she wants me to come in with her, she says no. Another lie of omission because she had to tell the doctor she was pregnant so he would know what to prescribe and didn't want me in there. We leave the office and she says she has a prescription for antibiotic called into the pharmacy. I offer to go get it as soon as we drop her off home. She says no, she just wants to rest and her husband will get it after work (more lies).  Turns out she never took the prescription and I don't even know if there was a prescription.

I speak to my daughter almost every day after work, it's the only time I get to hear her voice. Too often she doesn't sound right and I am worrying. I keep asking what's the matter, and she says she is tired or has a headache. I tell her how can you have a baby when you feel so lousy? Again, no mention she is pregnant, more lies of omission. I am worrying myself to death every day wondering what's wrong. Now before you judge me for being clueless, let me just say that my daughter has always been very honest with me. I had no reason to doubt anything she was telling me or leaving out. I took her at her word. I never thought she would keep this news from me, and yet she did.

Ok so things are moving along day after day, week after week. Tired and headaches and going to bed early. Yet, the few times I do see her she looks good. In November we start talking about Christmas trees and ornaments. They never got a real tree, but all of a sudden my daughter is enthused about her first tree and and getting excited. Yes, I am still clueless.  I take her shopping for ornaments one day and then bring her home, helping her with the packages.  My son in law comes over to say hi and I ask him, is she okay?  She is always tired, it's not right. That job is killing her.  He glances over to my daughter, she gives him a coy look, and he tells me she is fine.  More lies from the co-conspirator.

Thanksgiving is around the corner and we are planning to have dinner at my cousin's house.  A nice big family celebration with all 12 of us around the table. My daughter asks for water and my son in law jumps out of his chair like his pants are on fire to get her water. I give her a nod and ask what got into him that he ran for that water? At the same time I am glad he is taking good care of her because she tends to get dehydrated easily. The food is set out on the table, way too much for even 12 people to eat. We are having nice conversation and suddenly my son in law leaves the table. I think nothing of it, maybe he has to use the restroom.  He comes back and in his hand he has this little box. He hands it to me and my husband, telling us it's an early Christmas present.  I am stunned. In all my life I don't think I have ever gotten an early Christmas present and this box is lighter than a feather.  This is what was inside:

I read it and look at them. I am in shock. I wasn't expecting this at all. And then it hits me. A Million Little Lies.  It all starts to make sense. The pieces of the puzzle fall together, but not all at once. First this lie, then that lie. Then she reminds me of a few lies. I feel like I am in a dream or even on a sitcom. Now I realize that my honest daughter has become an expert liar and I can never believe her again. She is too good at it.  When I come back to reality, I ask do you know if it's a boy or girl?  They say yes, it's a girl. A girl!  I have to let that sink in.  While I am doing that, my brother and my cousin are running to go get cards and whatever to give them for the announcement. I have nothing to give. I am not home where I have a big stash of stuff. Stuff I bought. Stuff I crocheted two years ago and saved. I have stuff, but not with me. Sigh. I was so not prepared for this announcement, but it was the best Thanksgiving ever!

Now for part two. When can I announce this baby news?  Well I'll give you the short version. The kids were telling my son in law's family the day after Thanksgiving. So I thought, great! I'll be able to spill the beans tomorrow. Nope. They wanted me to wait till Christmas when his grandparents were coming for the holidays and they could tell them in person. Okay. After Christmas I can make my announcement. Meanwhile, between Christmas and New Year's, my younger daughter gets engaged.  She and her fiancé wanted me to wait to announce that, but just a couple of days (Thank you, Jesus). So, after they tell the grandparents I ask, when can I make my announcement. Answer, not until January, 22nd because they have a 3D sonogram and that will tell then everything about the baby. Okay fine, what's another 3 weeks, right? As it gets closer to the 22nd, I am getting antsy. My daughter says, "Well maybe not the 22nd because I might not get the results that day." There is a moment of silence. Then I say, "Well at this rate do you think I can announce it when she starts kindergarten or do I have to wait till she goes to college?" And then I calm down. It's their baby. They get to do it their way. And finally, on January 23rd, my son in law posts and gives me the ok (cause I still asked permission first). And that's where we are today . . . a million little lies later.

I am going to be a grandma to a baby girl. I think it is finally sinking in.