College Admissions Scandal and Lori Loughlin . . .

I sit here thinking. So many people are playing the lottery every day wishing for millions of dollars to change their lives. Years ago I read or saw a show on many of these winners whose lives were changed for the worse after winning all that money. It makes you think. Maybe money is the root of all evil. How many celebrities have died because they had the money to buy themselves small planes to fly and then crashed? And what brings all this back to mind is this Lori Loughlin scandal and everything about it.  

Here is a couple, Lori and her husband, who had more money than they could ever spend. Beautiful homes. Two very beautiful girls. Everything you could ever want in life and then some. But, at the end of the day, all that wasn't enough. They didn't teach their children to have a strong work ethic because, hey, money is pouring in and they didn't need to work hard in school to secure a good future for themselves like most kids with working parents. The girls knew they would always be taken care of and could basically live without a care in the world or follow their dreams to the ends of the earth. But, Lori and her husband had their own dreams for the girls. They would have both money and a college education at USC. No other college would do. So they used what they had . . . money . . . to "help" get their girls into a dream school and ultimately get the college degree that neither of the parents had. The 500K was just a drop in the bucket for them. They never considered the consequences or the moral and ethical lessons they were modeling for their children. And now, thanks to their lack of integrity, honesty and morals BUT plenty of money, they have turned all their lives upside down. The girls will not get the college education the parents dreamed of for them, instead they face worldwide disgrace and embarrassment. One girl lost her dream job as a social media influencer. Instead, she gets hate tweets and backlash for the actions of her parents and loses her sponsors, followers and money. Lori lost her job which kept her in the limelight in a favorable way. Yes, she is still in the limelight, but as the face of the largest college admissions scandal and looking at some serious prison time. Not a good look. And ironically, instead of helping her children, she ended up hurting them more than anyone else ever did.

Lori claims to have a strong religious faith, but somehow her religious beliefs didn't stop her from doing any number of illegal things necessary to commit these crimes. How does she reconcile her religious beliefs which are grounded in morality and her own actions? It's beyond me. There has to be at least a couple of commandments broken in all this.

Lori says God will get her through this, she did nothing any other parent wouldn't have done, she had good intentions and the judge will see that, and she is convinced she did nothing wrong. So instead of taking a plea, admitting guilt (for which there is plenty of evidence), apologizing and getting 6 months prison time, she and her husband now face a possible 40 years prison time. All of this thanks to their money and sense of entitlement. It really blows my mind that you could have everything you want in life AND peace of mind, and throw it all away. How can anyone do something so stupid and lose what's most important?

Maybe this is why I don't run out and play the mega lottery. We all think our lives would change for the better, but we can never know what twists and turns and temptations would be waiting for us if we were suddenly rich. I know, I can hear everyone saying it won't happen to me or they would take the risk if they could just win millions. I don't know. I always remember hearing, "as long as you have your health, you have everything." For my part, I am happy without hitting the lottery. We worked hard for all we have and we raised our girls to have a strong work ethic and good values. We are blessed and thankful . . . and we can sleep good at night.

Empty Nest Syndrome . . .

The nest is empty. My  younger daughter has moved out. Yesterday was the first official day of the next phase of Act III of our lives. It's going to take some adjusting for me. In Act I of my life I dreamed of being a mother. In Act II of my life I was blessed to have two beautiful girls to love, nurture and raise. In Act III I am left with my husband and a small olive tree to take care of. The cycle of life. This is how it's supposed to be. I know it, everyone knows it. It's not that I am not happy for my girls. In fact, truth be told, I always prayed they would find young men who would love, honor and be true life partners. They have both found love and what more can I ask for? Nothing. But it's a bitter-sweet moment for me. I'm going to indulge myself with a little pity party today and then get over it.

I remember a scene from the movie, "Marty," where one of the old Italian sisters laments to the the other about her son moving out. She asks her, "What are you gonna do when Marty gets married? What are you gonna do? You have nobody to cook for, nobody to clean for. It's a terrible life, I tell you."  A bit overdramatic, but I'm sure many a mom has felt that way. We always know this day is coming and somehow we are never totally prepared for it. We can still be mothers, but from a distance.

My older daughter moved out three and a half years ago. I had a half-empty nest. That wasn't so bad. In fact, I found my own little ways to keep mothering without interfering. Every week, before I go food shopping, I always asks if she needs anything from the store. If I see items she uses or likes on sale, I'll pick them up and drop them off or wait till she visits to give them to her. If I cook something I know she enjoys, I'll make extra for her and deliver it. Today I am making her some egg salad that she can eat for breakfast this week. Little things like that make me feel like I am still doing something useful.  I'll probably do the same for my younger daughter.  Once a mom, always a mom.

In a couple of months my first grandchild will arrive. It's a baby girl. She's coming at the perfect time in my life and I know she will be the love of my life . . . of all our lives. I can't wait for her to get here and so I can relive all the moments and things I shared with my girls. I think I'll make a wonderful grandma and spoil her with just the right amount of indulgences. I am looking forward to watching my daughter as she raises her own daughter. I am curious to see her mothering style and how it might be similar and different than mine. I'll be ready with advice, if she needs it. My little empty nest may start to fill up with grandchildren, and I will love them all and look forward to their visits.

But today I miss being a mom. I miss the days when my girls were growing up. Every stage they went through was wonderful. We made the most of our time together. I treasure every moment of raising my girls and I always will.

A Baby Shower . . . Adding a Nut to the Family Tree

My daughter and son in law announced they were pregnant with a little girl three months ago, on Thanksgiving, 2018.  He handed us a little box to make this announcement and inside we found this:

And that little announcement is what inspired the theme for the baby shower I am planning: A Family Tree.  After searching online for ideas on what I could do, I basically came up empty.  The bad news is there weren't many people who went this route and, if they did, they didn't post pictures. The good news is this would be a fairly original and personal idea for a shower.  Now the brain storming begins!

First I needed to find an invitation that would kick off the theme.  I managed to find one that was perfect.  

My online search also lead me to "diaper cakes."  A cake made out of diapers and decorated to suit the theme of the shower.  Of course there were no Family Tree cakes online.  So I thought about it for a few days.  I decided to print out little triangular cards and type baby traditions from each of the five countries the baby's great-grandparents came from on each one. My plan was for them to be a banner that encircles each layer of the cake, but new born diapers are too small, so I improvised.  I also made little flags from the five countries to put on top of the cake.  Now I need to fill in the cake with some colorful items. The baby registry already had hats, mittens, and socks etc.  However, there were no baby toys on the registry. I bought a nice set of rattles and teething rings and got to work.  These were also a little too big for newborn diapers, but with a little ribbon I managed to get them on. Here is the end result.

I am pretty happy the way it turned out. 

My next idea was to create some work of art, maybe for the nursery. I came up with an idea of a family tree collage made from the maps of each of the five countries. Of course, the problem was finding a cheap enough atlas to cut up, and there would be no room for mistakes. So instead of buying maps, I decided to print them because not only was it cheaper, but I could make them different sizes and if I cut something wrong I would be able to print another.  I printed my first set of maps and they were too small. I printed my second set and they were too big. And, like Goldilocks, I finally found the perfect size! I sprayed them lightly with hair spray to "set" the ink so it wouldn't smear when using Mod Podge over them. I got myself a nice 16x20 canvas and some scissors and went to work.  This was the end result:

The top five large limbs represent the countries of the baby's ancestors and great-grandparents. The trunk is made up of the places where current family members live. The little heart in the center represents the baby. The little "plaque" at the bottom reads: "Family: like branches on a tree we grow in different directions, yet our roots remain as one."  I hope they like this tree and hang it in the baby's nursery.

Now I was on a roll.  I had another idea that I wish I had thought of when my children were born. I decided to ask all close family members to write a personal, handwritten note to the baby. It could be any length about anything.  It could be how they feel about the baby coming, words of advice or stories.  I told them I would put all these letters and notes in a special box for the parents to take home, read and then save for some future date to give to their daughter when she was ready. A time capsule of sorts for her college graduation, her wedding or when she was having her first child. Imagine opening a box with letters from your great grandparents and grandparents and other relatives that were written to you 20 or 30 years ago?  I hope my daughter and her husband will add their letters to the box before she is born.

Favors next. What could I give out that would tie all these ideas together?  A little online search lead me to olive tree seedlings!  Olives are an Italian favorite and the tree itself is fitting for the theme. I thought it would be an especially cute idea that the trees would be the same "age" as the baby, and if any one of them survived, they would be growing, along with her, for years to come.  I will order these in a couple weeks as instructed by the seller. They will be sent out just before the shower.  I made little tags of my own to hang on each on with the same quote that is on the family tree collage. Here it is:

My daughter's mother in law also picked up some wonderful favors to represent her son's side of the family, the Filipino side. She found some beautiful tea light favors made from capriz shells that are made in the Philippines. That was the perfect touch to our family tree theme. Here is what they looked like:

What's left?  The gifts, that's what. I have a nice stash of crochet items that I need to take out, get photos and wrap. I found a couple of children's books for the baby that tie in with the theme. One book is Filipino bedtime stories for her dad's side of the family. The other book is about an Italian man who comes to America from Italy, with a shovel, and works very hard (like my dad). 

My husband and I also decided to give them a "certificate" for a year's worth of baby diapers. I know that will be a big help and it's very practical. Did you know babies can go through about 3,000 diapers in their first year? Oy vey. We are also planning to set up a nice little college fund for the baby later in the year, because we all know how expensive that can be. We want our granddaughter to get off to a good start.

Two weeks before the shower and I decided to do a couple of little quilled cards. I made this one to go with a box full of crocheted blankets and sweaters that I made about two years ago.  Here it is:

And this one I made for my younger daughter to give because

she got the baby a stroller and car seat . . . 

And today is the shower, March 31st, 2019. The last piece of the party has now been picked up and I love the way it turned out.  Ladies and gentlemen . . . I present you the cake!

The cake turned out better than I imagined and I was thrilled when I picked it up.

Everyone at the restaurant was very attentive to our needs, the food was very good and we had our own private room so we could mingle and chat between meals, opening gifts and dessert. 

It really was a very special day and lots of warm memories were made for us all to treasure.

Being A Grandma and a Million Little Lies . . .

When my older daughter got married in July, 2016, I started thinking one day soon I will be a grandmother. Of course they needed time to settle into their new lives and they wanted to buy a house, so that took a little time.  And somehow, I had it pictured in my head, that when the time came, and my daughter found out she was pregnant, that I would be the third to know (you know, like right after she told her husband the little stick was pink).  But, life and my daughter are unpredictable.  I finally did get to find out I was going to be a grandma after a million little lies.

Let me take you back a little bit first. In September, 2017, my daughter and husband bought their first home. So, the baby was the next step and she told me she was thinking of starting a family in the fall of 2018, maybe October.  However, they took a trip to Mexico in May, 2018 and because of the outbreak of the Zika virus in the past, the CDC recommended waiting 6 months after a couple's return before trying to start a family.  This was a little disappointing, but just delayed the process for two months to December, 2018.  Fine.  Now, in October, 2018 something made me go check the CDC website and I learned that the wait time had been changed from 6 months to three months. I promptly sent the link to try daughter telling her she didn't need to wait.  She replied "oh really."  Lie number one, she already knew this in August and didn't share this information with me (and, as it turns out she was already pregnant). Also in October she comes down with some kind of bug and has a fever. She asks my husband and I to take her to urgent care. I ask her if she wants me to come in with her, she says no. Another lie of omission because she had to tell the doctor she was pregnant so he would know what to prescribe and didn't want me in there. We leave the office and she says she has a prescription for antibiotic called into the pharmacy. I offer to go get it as soon as we drop her off home. She says no, she just wants to rest and her husband will get it after work (more lies).  Turns out she never took the prescription and I don't even know if there was a prescription.

I speak to my daughter almost every day after work, it's the only time I get to hear her voice. Too often she doesn't sound right and I am worrying. I keep asking what's the matter, and she says she is tired or has a headache. I tell her how can you have a baby when you feel so lousy? Again, no mention she is pregnant, more lies of omission. I am worrying myself to death every day wondering what's wrong. Now before you judge me for being clueless, let me just say that my daughter has always been very honest with me. I had no reason to doubt anything she was telling me or leaving out. I took her at her word. I never thought she would keep this news from me, and yet she did.

Ok so things are moving along day after day, week after week. Tired and headaches and going to bed early. Yet, the few times I do see her she looks good. In November we start talking about Christmas trees and ornaments. They never got a real tree, but all of a sudden my daughter is enthused about her first tree and and getting excited. Yes, I am still clueless.  I take her shopping for ornaments one day and then bring her home, helping her with the packages.  My son in law comes over to say hi and I ask him, is she okay?  She is always tired, it's not right. That job is killing her.  He glances over to my daughter, she gives him a coy look, and he tells me she is fine.  More lies from the co-conspirator.

Thanksgiving is around the corner and we are planning to have dinner at my cousin's house.  A nice big family celebration with all 12 of us around the table. My daughter asks for water and my son in law jumps out of his chair like his pants are on fire to get her water. I give her a nod and ask what got into him that he ran for that water? At the same time I am glad he is taking good care of her because she tends to get dehydrated easily. The food is set out on the table, way too much for even 12 people to eat. We are having nice conversation and suddenly my son in law leaves the table. I think nothing of it, maybe he has to use the restroom.  He comes back and in his hand he has this little box. He hands it to me and my husband, telling us it's an early Christmas present.  I am stunned. In all my life I don't think I have ever gotten an early Christmas present and this box is lighter than a feather.  This is what was inside:

I read it and look at them. I am in shock. I wasn't expecting this at all. And then it hits me. A Million Little Lies.  It all starts to make sense. The pieces of the puzzle fall together, but not all at once. First this lie, then that lie. Then she reminds me of a few lies. I feel like I am in a dream or even on a sitcom. Now I realize that my honest daughter has become an expert liar and I can never believe her again. She is too good at it.  When I come back to reality, I ask do you know if it's a boy or girl?  They say yes, it's a girl. A girl!  I have to let that sink in.  While I am doing that, my brother and my cousin are running to go get cards and whatever to give them for the announcement. I have nothing to give. I am not home where I have a big stash of stuff. Stuff I bought. Stuff I crocheted two years ago and saved. I have stuff, but not with me. Sigh. I was so not prepared for this announcement, but it was the best Thanksgiving ever!

Now for part two. When can I announce this baby news?  Well I'll give you the short version. The kids were telling my son in law's family the day after Thanksgiving. So I thought, great! I'll be able to spill the beans tomorrow. Nope. They wanted me to wait till Christmas when his grandparents were coming for the holidays and they could tell them in person. Okay. After Christmas I can make my announcement. Meanwhile, between Christmas and New Year's, my younger daughter gets engaged.  She and her fiancé wanted me to wait to announce that, but just a couple of days (Thank you, Jesus). So, after they tell the grandparents I ask, when can I make my announcement. Answer, not until January, 22nd because they have a 3D sonogram and that will tell then everything about the baby. Okay fine, what's another 3 weeks, right? As it gets closer to the 22nd, I am getting antsy. My daughter says, "Well maybe not the 22nd because I might not get the results that day." There is a moment of silence. Then I say, "Well at this rate do you think I can announce it when she starts kindergarten or do I have to wait till she goes to college?" And then I calm down. It's their baby. They get to do it their way. And finally, on January 23rd, my son in law posts and gives me the ok (cause I still asked permission first). And that's where we are today . . . a million little lies later.

I am going to be a grandma to a baby girl. I think it is finally sinking in.

Theresa Caputo Live . . . The Long Island Medium

My Birthday Present

Last night my husband and I went to see Theresa Caputo Live.  Thanks to rush hour traffic, it took two hours to get there and about 15 minutes to find parking.  I allowed three and a half hours to make the trip and have dinner, so we left at 4 PM, got there at 6 PM, parked, had burgers at a very nice place across the street from the theater and checked in at 7 PM, a good half hour before the show.  We were exhausted.

The Paramount venue holds about one thousand people and the show was sold out. Theresa did not come on until 7:45 PM. I have to say she is looking damn good. The first thing she does is rattle off how she has been talking to the dead since age 4 and how she didn't embrace her gift until later on in life.  She wanted to clear up a few things that people post on the internet about her which seemed to make her annoyed. She says that she does not charge those very high rates for personal readings and, in fact, has never raised her fee in the 7 years she has been doing them. The fee for a personal reading is $175 and for a group, $50 per person. She says she does not take the money, but rather, her clients write checks to two charities and it goes directly to them (one being meals on wheels).  I'm not sure if I believe this or not.  Maybe the people whose readings are used on the show may pay $175, but there have been many reports of her charging a lot more. Who knows?  The other thing that had her a little peeved was that people on the internet keep saying she googles information on people in the audience for her readings. She just acted like that was ridiculous and dismissed it.  She explains how the departed are always with us if they are in peace, and they see things through our eyes. She says we will get signs or feelings to let us know they are around.  We may see a shadow or a glimpse of them or smell perfume, cologne or smoke telling us they are there with us at that moment. The last thing that irked her about the internet is they say she is 52 when she is only 51, everyone laughs. Then she tells us how she communicates with the spirits through signs and symbols that she interprets.  Here is where she does some damage control. I have read that people who have seen her live complain that she gets a lot of details wrong when she does readings. Now, in order to rectify this issue, she explains to us that the spirits send her signs and symbols that she interprets from "her life experience," but that the person she is telling needs to frame it in their own personal context. For example, she tells one woman he always brought you red roses for your birthday correct?  The woman, who is crying, says yes he always bought red roses for Valentine's day.  She tells another guy your grandmother left you something lacy. He seems confused. She suggests maybe a dress or tablecloth. After a few seconds he says she left him a lacy Christmas tree skirt. She says, perfect, all I care about is she is dead and left you something lacy.  This new explanation cuts down the number of "mistakes" she makes in the details.

Theresa went around the whole venue, targeting certain people in every section. She would call out things like anyone connect with twins where one died?  A few people near me shouted out, but she zeroed on this one man and spent time with him. His wife was a twin and she died.  Then she calls out who has the father who died?  I'm thinking at least half the people in here have a father who died, but somehow she is drawn to two young women sitting a distance apart in the front and asks them to stand up. She goes back and forth between the two, as both fathers seem to be communicating to her at the same time. Then one woman was getting a better reading so she spent most of the time on her. She did make her way up to where I was sitting and, for a moment, I thought I was going to get lucky, but no. A woman in the row behind me and just a couple of seats away was her next subject. Her daughter had died ten years ago in an accident, but a big piece of the puzzle, as to how and why it happened, is still missing and haunts her. Theresa tells her and you go back to that spot and try to figure out what happened, like a reenactment?  The woman nods. She asks if she has a piece of jewelry of her daughter's . . . a necklace?  The woman says I have a bracelet. Theresa asks how do you connect with the number three and hearts. The woman gasps, the bracelet has three hearts. I think she read about 12 people altogether last night in every section of the venue so everyone gets to see her up close. A video camera follows her around so she is up on the big screen in front when she is out of view. I think that was very nice. She is very entertaining and funny.  In fact, watching her is exactly like watching her television show.

My impression of Theresa's performance last night was she got a lot of things right for a lot of people. How she did that, I can't be sure. I would personally love to believe she can communicate with the dead. Even at a live show, I find myself skeptical and even leaning towards not believing. The people she targeted or zeroed in on shed some real genuine tears and were very emotional. If they were planted in the audience they would have to be actors to break down like that and have it be believable. However, there were times people were shouting out to her when she mentioned a particular type of passing, and she would tell them no, spirit is telling her to stay in this spot or that spot until she finds the person they want to communicate with. She wants us to believe the spirit is taking her over to the location of their loved one. Could be. Or maybe, under all that hair, she has an earpiece and gets messages from her staff about the location of certain guests who they were able to discover some information about from the names and addresses on the tickets.  I got my tickets in August, I'm sure many got them early enough for someone to do a social media search and come up with information. If I were a fake medium I would make sure to have one person researched in every section and they make it appear they were randomly called on. I guess for me to really believe I would need a private reading under an assumed name, so I knew she could not have me checked out ahead of time. Then, if she presented me with some information that was true, and that she had no way of knowing, I could be swayed into being a believer.  As you all know, I have this blog and my whole life is on it.  Using my real name would be a waste of time since she would have all this information at her fingertips. Still, I think I would definitely go to her for a reading at $175 just for the fun of it.

I think Theresa is more of an entertainer in my eyes, than a medium. There are many people who don't believe in her gift, who feel she is scamming vulnerable people into thinking they are hearing from loved ones.  I, on the other hand, don't see the harm in what she is doing. I have seen people walk away who have found some measure of peace and a way to move past the grieving and get on with their lives. One woman in the audience said after her father died she stopped celebrating everything. Now maybe she will put up a tree in honor of her father who loved the holidays. So how can you put a price on peace?  If it makes people feel better and brings them closure, who cares if she is for real or not?  I don't see a problem with it.  It's way cheaper than seeing a therapist for years, if in fact she only charges $175.  It's too bad that she is so busy there are only a very limited number of readings she has time to do, and most of those have to be for her show. An hour show is hard to fill up. Also, if what I hear from the internet is correct, the waiting list for a reading can be two or more years and she is only one person. 

At the end of the day it's up to each individual to decide if they believe in her gift or not.  Some people really need to believe so they can get answers they are desperately seeking.  For them, having a heavy burden of guilt or regret taken off their shoulders would be a tremendous relief. For others, like me, I'm very skeptical and find it entertaining and actually beneficial to many people.  What do you think?

Reconnecting With My Dad's Family

My Dad's Family 1952

(Top: Dad's 3 sisters, my Mom, my Dad, his 2 brothers

Bottom: My paternal grandparents, my maternal grandmother)

In the spring of this year I was sitting on my sofa thinking about my father who had passed away 18 years ago. I was feeling sad. While my brother and I had grown up surrounded by my mother's family, we had spent precious little time with any of my father's family.  He left his parents and siblings to come to America in 1953. He had an older brother who also came to America in the 1950's, but he settled in California. As I sat there thinking I remembered how my father would write letters to two of his sisters in Sicily and his brother Frank in California. It seemed like every Saturday or Sunday, when I woke up, I would find him sitting at the kitchen table, pen in hand, writing or finishing up the latest letter and getting it ready to put in the mail. My father hated to write, but he never failed to make the effort to stay in touch with his family all the years he was here, up until the year he died in 2000. I was sad to think that after he was gone we lost all contact with his family and now all his siblings were gone too. All that were left were my cousins, but I had no real contact information to reach out to them.

On May 17th, I found a cousin in Sicily, Giovanni (John), on Facebook and reached out to him with a short message. He was happy to hear from me and suggested we arrange to talk via an app called "What's Up" so we could speak and see each other at the same time. My daughter helped to arrange for a call and we did end up talking for a bit. Unfortunately, my Italian was more than a little rusty and, although my cousin was fluent in French, I had also forgotten much of the French I studied over the years. Communicating was difficult. I was grasping for words while my daughter tried to help me by using and online translator to facilitate the conversation. It wasn't a very long call, but we made contact and it gave me some peace knowing my dad would be very happy to know I made the attempt.

In our exchanges, I explained to Giovanni that I was reaching out to him because we lost contact with everyone only dad's side and that my daughter was working on a family tree. He was more than happy to help and started sending my daughter pictures of his family. Then he sent her a series of school pictures of both my daughters taken in elementary school over the years. It brought tears to my eyes to see that he was holding on to pictures of my children that my father had sent to his mother. It reminded me of how my father was always asking me for pictures of the girls to send to his sisters. Then he sent a photo of one of the letters my father had written to his mother near the end of his life. It was Christmas of 1999 I think. He wrote how he was coming to my house for the holiday to watch the girls open their gifts and have dinner. Then he told them that the doctors said he was doing well, but they want to keep seeing him every three months. I know he didn't want to worry them about his illness and I don't even know if he knew how serious things were getting. That was his  last Christmas with us and seeing that letter made me happy to know he was looking forward to being with us and his granddaughters, who he loved more than anything.

I had planned to try to find my cousin, John, in California, but I couldn't locate him on Facebook. It weighed on my mind. Then one day, on October 5th, while I was busy changing my email address, I get an email to my old address. I recognize the email address as that of my cousin, John, but at first I was leery thinking it was some kind of scam or phishing hack. I bit the bullet and opened the email. Sure enough it was my cousin looking to reconnect with me.  Was are the odds of that? It had been so many years since I last saw him. We figured out it may have been back in 1994 when he was here on a business trip and visited us for a few hours. After exchanging a few emails we decided to arrange phone call where we could chat easily and catch up a little bit. He and his sister, Nina, and me and my brother, were all on speaker phone for a nice conversation. Since we all spoke English, this conversation was a little easier all around. All I could think of was maybe our fathers or God had a hand in arranging this connection which had come totally out of the blue and was very unexpected.

Hopefully, I will be able to keep in touch with my cousins and we will have more conversations. They are the only links I have with my Dad's family. I have to say that what struck me was that although we spent very little time with each other in our lifetimes, the family bond and closeness was there as though we had.

When I'm Sixty-Four . . . or, The Newport, R.I. Vacation

Here we are at the Cliff Walk

I'm not really sure what kind of blog I want to write about on this subject. The fact is my older daughter planned this family trip to Newport, R.I. and it coincided with my 64th birthday and her current obsession with The Beatles. There were six of us on the trip and most of us had never been there. I could write about all the things we did while we were there, but you could read about that on TripAdvisor, the AAA website or Rhode Island's Tourist page, if you are interested. Suffice to say we hit all the main attractions in 6 days: The Vanderbilt Mansions, The 3.5 mile Cliff Walk, the historic district and museum, Washington Square, Bowen and Bannister wharfs, the beach and golf course and many delicious restaurants. I don't want to write about all that. We could have been anywhere for what I want to share, Newport was just a backdrop, albeit a very pretty and enjoyable one.

The past couple of years our girls have been pretty busy living their lives (as it should be), but that doesn't stop me from missing them, from thinking about them, from wanting to do things with and for them. It reminds me of a scene from the movie "Marty," starring Ernest Borgnine, when his aunt Catherine was lamenting to her sister that she had no one to care for any more.  

"These are the worst years, I tell you. It's going to happen to you. . . I've got strength in my hands. I want to clean. I want to cook. I want to make dinner for my children. Am I an old dog to lay near the fire till my eyes close? These are terrible years, Theresa, terrible years... It's gonna happen to you. It's gonna happen to you! What are you gonna do if Marty gets married? Huh? What are you gonna cook? Where's all the children playing in all the rooms? Where's the noise? . . . What are you gonna do if Marty gets married? What are you gonna do?"

Maybe that's a bit dramatic? But I'm sure many empty nest moms all over the world feel a little blue from time to time after their babies leave home.

When my daughter suggested we take this trip to Newport I was excited to go. When the girls were growing up, we made sure to take a family vacation every year to make memories and spend quality, family time together. I wasn't sure we would have any more of those times with them. They have a lifetime of adventures and experiences ahead of them now. But planning this trip, and including me and my husband, was a wonderful gift that I will never forget.

We started out on Saturday morning, August 11th. My husband and I rode with my older daughter and our son in law. My husband must have been in his glory because this four and half hour trip was filled with Beatle music the entire way. Of course, "When I'm Sixty-Four" managed to get played a time or two, and set the theme for the trip, as I was turning 64 this week. My husband shared Beatle trivia with my daughter and she told him about things she had read or heard concerning Beatle history. I just sat there taking it all in. We eventually arrived at our destination, an Air B&B beach house we rented. After unloading the car it was pretty late in the afternoon so we looked for a place to eat and plan activities for the next day mostly based on the weather forecast.

Bowen's Wharf

There were a few times we walked along the wharf areas and visited the little shops. I always loved looking at souvenirs in different cities. Every vacation I'd buy a Christmas ornament from one of the shops to hang on the tree. Over the years our tree has become filled with them and the memories each one holds. This vacation was special to me, so I needed to get an ornament to add to my collection. My girls and their guys walked ahead of us, hand in hand, down the streets, in front of my husband and I. Suddenly I remember some old photos I took of the girls when they were two or three years old, walking hand in hand with their father in front of me. Now it's someone else's hand they hold. And that's how it should be.

The rough part of the Cliff Walk

It was nice seeing all the sites Newport has to offer. The thing I am most proud of is walking on one of the rough, rocky parts of the Cliff Walk. I don't think I could have done it if my son in law hadn't been holding my hand and guiding me every step of the way. But, I knew I would slow them down if I continued to try and make my way along the rest of the rocky walk after that point, which was probably another 2 miles at least. My husband and I got off at that exit and walked about a mile and a half or so down the streets to the end of the walk to wait for them. I'd rather be safe than sorry. If I took a fall I would have ruined the trip for everyone. Still, I think I did a good job keeping up with the kids all week considering they are all less than half my age (my husband is in better shape, so I don't give him as much credit).

I enjoyed our meals together. We all sat around the table sharing stories and memories, laughing, feeling relaxed. We had real quality time together, without the internet and the news to stress over. It's been a while since we have been able to do that. We had a couple of BBQ's at the house we rented. The boys went shopping for the groceries and prepared those meals. My son in law bought crab legs and cracked them open for us. He was very skilled at that. I think I enjoyed those meals more than most of the restaurants we ate at.

My girls, my heart.

Our last day there the kids had planned a birthday dinner to take me to. We decided to have brunch and an early dinner. The restaurant, Bowen's 22, was a little high end and fancier than the other places we ate at. The food was delicious and the portions large. We needed to walk some of that off so we took a stroll around the wharf, looking at shops, the hundreds of boats in the water, and for last minute purchases. When we got back to the house the girls disappeared for a few minutes. When they reappeared they had a couple gifts in hand. My older daughter and her husband got me a "Fitbit" and a planner so I could record all my steps and do the exercise I am hoping to do. I was holding the planner in it's cellophane wrapper, telling my daughter I almost ordered this one from Amazon. She says to me, I'm not sure if that's the academic planner, I forgot to check. I turn it over and right on the cellophane it says "academic planner." She starts laughing. I ask what is so funny? You want me to open it to be sure? So I do. I open to the pages and tell her "see, it's the academic planner." She starts laughing even more. I ask "what is going on? Am I doing something wrong?" So I say, "look it has tabs and everything, starting with August." She's laughing even more. As I flip through the book there's a colorful piece of paper sticking out, which I am guessing is advertising and I ignore it. More laughing. The more I flip through the book, the harder she is laughing. Then my eye catches a glimpse of the top of this "advertisement." I see the words "tickets" and "Theresa Caputo" on it, The Long Island Medium in Huntington, L.I. I'm like "WHAT??? Are these tickets for real?" I have been telling them over and over the past couple of years that one day I am going to see her for myself. I want to see if she comes across real when you see her show in person. My younger daughter says she happened to have dinner near the venue one day, saw she was going to be there and decided to get me tickets. Then she volunteers that her sister thought it would be a great idea to hide them in the planner for me to find . . . which I almost didn't do. I was really speechless. We all got a great laugh out of it. It was the perfect ending to a perfect trip!

My gifts.

See the little paper sticking out?

The TICKETS