Monday, March 6, 2017

The Dreaded Doctor's Appointment

Doctor's visits are nothing new to me. In fact, since 2004 I have seen more doctors than I can count and had CT scans, MRIs, a few sonograms and biopsies and even a PET scan. I've had so much radiation that I should be glowing in the dark by now (and that's not even counting routine mammograms and dental x-rays). And in a couple of weeks I'll be going for another MRI and follow-up visit for a growth found in my neck the summer of 2015.  You might call it "The Birdhouse Summer" because in order to cope with all the tests and waiting I took up painting and giving away birdhouses. My poor husband might call it "Our Summer Vacation at Michael's." We got through it.

Last winter when I saw this doctor, I was too preoccupied with my daughter's wedding to get worked up over my MRI. I didn't have time for any distractions. I didn't ask any questions, especially since the doctor was happy and said there had been no change. Why look for trouble? Everything was under control. And as he asked to see me in one year, I asked if we could make it a couple of months earlier or later because January weather is very unpredictable. He agreed to see me two months later, in March. Well it's March. Here we are. And, I'm dreading it. 

Anyone who has a medical cloud over their head probably knows the feeling. As your appointment approaches you are afraid to make any plans in case there's a change and you have to cancel them. You sit in limbo, keeping your fears to yourself so as not to upset anyone else unnecessarily. Often you get paranoia, getting suspicious over every ache and twinge and sometimes thinking the worst. At least I'm not doing any online research and driving myself crazy over it. Instead, I've gone back to crocheting and crafting whatever comes into my mind. I'm being productive . . . sort of. I don't feel the need to do an extra cleaning around the house, so I'm not that productive. I'm just sitting here with fleeting thoughts of anxiety between projects. Wondering. Should I ask any questions? Do I want to know the answers? Should I just let sleeping dogs lie?  I get the impression the doctor doesn't want to worry about something that might not happen. That "something" being surgery. 

So I guess I'll pass the next few days as creatively as I can. I have three projects to distract me and the sun has been shining. Spring is around the corner. I wonder what Michael's has on sale?

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