Mother of the Bride Speech . . .

The big day of my older daughter's wedding has come and gone this past Saturday, July 9th 2016. A whole year of planning all came together and part of that included my Mother of the Bride speech. I had planned a nine minute speech, but my sweet daughter was less than pleased to hear it was going to run so long and ask me to cut it by a half or a third.  What could I do? Whatever baby wants, baby gets. I went back to the drawing board and cut out a chunk of what I considered to be the best parts. I was still left with a pretty great little speech from the heart and, as I promised I would, I am publishing the entire speech on my blog right after the wedding. So here is the unedited version, the parts in italics were edited out.

Mother of the Bride Speech

"I'd like to thank everyone for coming to celebrate this very special day in Melissa and Matthew's new life as husband and wife. I especially want to thank those of you who traveled from other states to be here today to share in our joy and in the happiest day of their lives."

                                                                            ***********

(Edited Portion)

When Melissa asked me if I wanted to make a speech, I thought about for a minute and said yes. After all, when will I ever get a another chance to practice my stand up comedy on a captive audience? So many stories and so little time.

What can I tell you about Melissa? She loves to sleep. She got me into trouble with the nurse the first day she was born. The nurse brought her to me for her feeding and told me to wake her up by opening the blankets and tickling her feet. I did that . . . for 45 minutes . . . without success. Her eyes were sealed tight. The nurse came back and saw the bottle was still full and scolded me for not asking for help and throwing her all off schedule. My first day as a mom and I was already a failure. But Melissa slept through it so it's like it never happened.

Melissa is beautiful and always has been. I took her to a 70 year old pediatrician when she was just five days old. After examining her and reassuring me she was a healthy baby, he turned to me and said, "You know something, she is really cute. I've seen thousands of babies over the years and trust me I know." I couldn't argue with him. She was perfect in my eyes.

Melissa is very smart, sometimes too smart. We knew early on she was going to keep us on our toes. At two years old I took her Christmas shopping for a pocket calendar for my brother. As we stood in Hallmark, in front of their collection, Melissa, who came up to my knee at the time, looked up at me and said, "Let's get him a sophisticated one." I soon got used to her precocious outbursts when at dinner time she would interject herself into our conversations with expressions like "in my opinion" or "as a matter of fact." At five, since she was too young for college, we took her for an IQ test for the gifted program in our school district. At the end of the test, the gray haired psychologist came out and told me he couldn't give me her score, but she did very, very well. That was no surprise to me. But, as we walked to the car, Melissa informed me she got one question wrong. I asked, "How do you know, and which one was it?" She said, "He asked me what does "antique" mean, and I didn't want to hurt his feelings and say "old." I said, "Why? Because he has gray hair?" And she nodded. I think she should have gotten extra credit for that.

Melissa is compassionate and caring. When she was seven years old I decided to get new curtains for the living room and dining room. After 11 years I needed a change. Melissa walked in to see them hanging on the windows and I could see she disapproved. "Why did you get new curtains," she asked, "the old ones were perfectly fine." "I know, but I wanted some new ones." Then she said, "What about all the homeless people? We have a home and we had good curtains. They have nothing. You could have given that money to them." "I could have" I answered, "but if you are so worried about the homeless and you already have lots of toys, how about we donate the money from your Christmas presents this year to the homeless." She looked at me in silence. One of the few times I have made her speechless.

Melissa also wanted to help save the rain forest, adopt a gorilla, send blankets to animal shelters, and other humanitarian causes. When she was in college, a professor made her aware of a website that lends money to people in third world countries so they can start a business and repay the interest free loan. The repaid money then goes back to the donor or can be used again to help others. Melissa came right home and sent $100 of her money to the site. When she got her first job she signed up to sponsor a child a third world country for $25 a month. I told her it was a big commitment and she was just getting her own life started. She answered it's not that much money, it's the price of going to a movie. I want to make a difference. And she has made a difference . . . in the world and every day of our lives. 

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(Continued unedited)

As a mother, when they place that beautiful little baby in your arms for the first time, you want the very best for them. You live your life to make them happy, to protect and teach them, to nurture them and keep them healthy. And, you worry about them. One minute they are with you 24/7 and the next they are starting school and going off on their own. And, as the years pass, and they grow up, you pray they will find the right person to share their lives with. One day, while Melissa was still in college, I was in her room and said to her, "you know Melissa, I'm worried about you and your future. Where are you going to find a nice decent guy in this world?" She looked up at me and said, "I don't know, I worry about that too."  We had raised a beautiful, thoughtful, loving and intelligent daughter, but where was she going to find her "soul mate." And it couldn't just be any man. Like everything else that we wanted for her, we wanted her to have the best. Someone who would love and protect her and make her happy, just as we had done all these years. Was there a man who would win Melissa's heart and be good enough for our daughter?

Then, in the fall of 2009, Melissa came to me and started talking about a guy named Matt that she had met at work. She started telling me a little about him. He had also gone to Hofstra, but he was a year older than her. As she spoke about him I could see she really liked him. Mothers know these things. And from what she told me I already knew Matt was kind, sensitive, genuinely nice and had strong family values. The gleam in her eyes and slight blush of her cheeks told me more than anything she could possibly say. And, over the seven years they have been together, I could see that Matt made Melissa happy, which, by the way, isn't an easy thing to do. I know he respects her, loves her and takes care of her. The gleam in her eyes is always there and I knew in my heart she had found her perfect match. Matthew is a man who is everything a mother could want for her daughter, a man who her father and I happily entrust with Melissa's future. And I want to thank Matt's parents, Gina and Jim, for raising such a wonderful man; and Jim for showing him how to be a loving husband and father. We love Matt and are proud to have him as our son. Today, Melissa has gained two brothers in Josh and Zach. Matt has gained a sister in Lauren. Melissa and Matt have not only joined their lives in marriage, but they have also joined their two families together today and forever.

Now here's a little marriage advice that "they" say I should include in my speech. Matt pay attention, since Melissa isn't known for taking my advice. A marriage is not 50/50, it's 100/100. You bring all that you are and all you have to give into it every day. Rely on each other's strengths, compromise on things when you can, help, support and encourage each other. You are building a new life and your new family unit starts today. Always remember the things about each other that made you fall in love. Always be honest with one another. Trust is as important as love. No relationship can last without it. Make memories together. Talk to and listen to each other, and that means making actual eye contact . . . shut the television, turn off the phone and put away the laptop and all other electronic devices that create distractions and take precious time away from each other.  And, one day, when you are ready to have children of your own (and I hope you do or I'll have done all this crocheting for nothing) I know you will both be great parents and raise your beautiful children with the love and values you have both experienced growing up. I pray your children will bring you as much joy and pride as you have brought us. 

So let me end with a little toast: Melissa and Matthew, this day has been a long time coming. You both deserve every happiness in life and so I wish you a very long, prosperous and healthy happily ever after. 

The end.

P.S. I am very happy to say that many of the guests loved my speech and my daughter, Melissa, who was pretty stressed and trying to hold back her tears for the sake of her make-up, told me that this was the first time she cried all day. I wanted to have a special moment to tell Matthew and Melissa how much they are loved and I guess I did a good job . . . if I say so myself.

Now that I reread both the edited and unedited versions I think I am happy I cut it down.  As is often the case, my daughter was right.  I wandered down memory lane, took a detour and got a little lost in the nostalgia while I was trying to find my way to a loving and memorable speech. The shortened speech I finally delivered was as perfect as everything else that took place in the wedding.

My Baby Turns 22 Today…

Twenty-two years ago I left for the hospital, after The Golden Girls ended. It was a great episode, but I couldn’t enjoy it because the indigestion I thought I had, was getting worse by the minute. I called the doctor, but he didn’t think I was in labor. Nevertheless, I had my husband take my older daughter to my mother’s house. In the few minutes he was gone, the pains had gotten worse and I was shaking. We got to the hospital at around 10:30 or 11 and at 3AM my baby daughter made her entrance into the world. She really came in with a bang, I’m just glad she was in a hurry and the labor was a few short hours.

I can tell you that the labor pains were the only pains that this child has ever caused me. From the moment of her birth until today, she has always been an angel. It’s nothing that I did, it’s just her nature. I noticed very early on that people found her very lovable. She didn’t really start speaking until she was three and a half, but there was something about her that melted people’s hearts. She was always a quiet girl, good natured, calm, and sweet. Nothing bothered her. She knew how to keep herself busy playing from when she was very little and played equally well with other children.

She always did well in school, in fact she excelled, but was always very modest about it. She never considered her accomplishments anything special. She never wanted to be the center of attention or have any attention focused on her. You know when kids graduate middle school they all want an autograph book so their friends and teachers can write in them. When I read hers, it brought me to tears.  There were no stupid sayings on any of the pages. None. Instead, on page after page, her friends wrote what a wonderful person she is, how much they enjoyed their time with her, wishing her the best of luck in high school etc etc. Again, just like when she was a baby, I saw how she melted people’s hearts in her own quiet way. And these were 14 year old kids writing these warm and loving words, that’s what surprised me the most. The same thing happened when she graduated high school. I looked through her yearbook and a different set of kids had filled up the pages with kind and thoughtful messages about how nice she was and how much she had helped them. I knew she was my angel, but I didn’t know everyone else could see it too.

This will be a big year for her. She is turning twenty-two today and in four months she will be graduating from college. When she started college she didn’t know what she wanted to do. She had started out wanting to be a vet because of her love of animals. But we soon learned that becoming a vet would be a long shot for her and we needed another plan. Although she was good in most every subject, the only one she enjoyed was science. I never knew she was that interested in science. We went to the open houses and literally stumbled on to a medical technology program where she could work in a laboratory after graduation. The program was very hard, I knew it as soon as I saw the classes required. I was afraid she wouldn’t be able to handle all the work involved. But, she wanted to try it, and it would be a great career and profession. She struggled at first, I panicked. I suggested she change majors. She told me she really wanted to stick with it. I supported her decision. And she worked very hard, every day and every weekend for the past three and a half years. There were only 17 students in the program before Christmas break; after the break it was down to 13. My daughter is one of the top students with a 3.6+ GPA. She says maybe she is third from the top, but she would never tell me if she was first. She isn’t completive at all. She just does her best and helps her peers. She has been doing hospital rotations all year and has worked at about eight different hospitals. They all love her, some asked her to bring them her resume when she graduates. As I write this, my heart swells with pride and my eyes fill with tears at how much I love her.

I have no doubt, that when she brings home her yearbook from college, it will be filled with the same sentiments expressed by her previous graduating classmates. There is just something special about her that people love. 

I have been blessed with an angel and I hope she has a very Happy Birthday. No one deserves it more.

The Apple Doesn't Fall Far From The Tree...

We all like to think that we are instilling in our children the seeds of human compassion. And, that when they get older, they will rise to the occasion to help out their fellow man and try to make a difference in this world by doing what they can. We can’t be sure if we have taught them that when our focus is always on so many other things we need to teach them. I guess we have to hope that somewhere along the way they will develop that desire to help and act on it.

Yesterday, I found out quite by accident, that my older daughter has sponsored a child in a third world country through Children International. She has committed herself to paying twenty-five dollars a month so this child can have an education, medical care, clothing, food etc. This isn’t her first act of charity. When she was in college, her professor mentioned an organization that lends money to people in third world countries who are trying to start a business. They charge them no interest, just ask them to pay back the loan when they can. The people borrowing the money, pay it back to the organization in small increments. When the loan is repaid, the lenders can opt to loan the money out to another individual or take it back. My daughter, still a student at the time, decided to open an account with them for $25. She told me the loan has been repaid four times already and she just continues the lending cycle.  

When I first found out that she had sponsored a child, I was concerned. She has been trying to save money to move out on her own one day. Right now she isn’t even making enough to support herself independently. I thought she should wait until she had established herself first before making such a commitment. She told me that she would rather do this than to go see two movies a month. That’s what it boils down to. As she told me how her money was going to help this child, she had tears in her eyes. She said, this means she will be able to see a doctor if she gets sick. To lighten the mood, I said, she will be able to see a doctor, but I am still waiting for your dental form so I can make you an appointment with the dentist…at least she will be able to see a dentist thanks to you! She laughed as I pointed out the irony; I have asked for this form for a month now.  

In any case, as we talked she said the words that touched my soul, “I just want to make a difference.” That’s exactly what I always say. Unlike my daughter though, it took me years to come to that realization. I never thought about it or considered it at her age. Then I thought of all the good she would do in her lifetime because she has such a compassionate heart.

I expressed my concerns to my husband as I told him about our daughter. He said to me, maybe it’s because we are so compassionate and want to help others, that she has this quality. Maybe she got it from both of us. I agreed, maybe she did and she really needed to do this. I guess the apple didn’t fall far from the tree?

Right now, I want my daughter to know how proud I am of the person she turned out to be. She has made me proud every moment of her life. From her earliest days to the present, it’s been a joy and a privilege to be her mother. When she was two years old she once said to me, “When you get little mommy, I’ll take care of you.” That made me laugh as she had no concept of aging. When she was in second grade and saw new curtains on my living room windows she was appalled. “How can you buy new curtains when there are homeless people in the world? At least we have a home.” In seventh grade she heard about a classmate from elementary school who got some mysterious illness that he almost died from, but left him unable to walk. His medical bills were enormous and there was a fund raiser to help the family. When she heard me talking to my husband about it, she went and took all her money she had saved and gave it to me. “Add this to your money Mom, and send it to Danny.” 

My little girl, who was in the gifted program in elementary school with an IQ of 152; who graduated Valedictorian from middle school; who got into a prestigious high school and earned full scholarships to two colleges; and graduated college with highest honors in a double major of Communications and English with a over a 3.9 average, has always made me proud. But yesterday, when she said to me, “I just want to make a difference,” I think that was my proudest moment of all. Somewhere along the way, she picked up life’s most valuable lesson or maybe it was just in there all along?  After all, I never heard of any other child reprimanding their mother for wasting money on new curtains. I should have realized then, that she had a very compassionate heart. 

When they say children are a “blessing,” that word alone cannot begin to express the joy, the love, the many ways they enrich our lives or the lessons that we can learn from them.