More lyrics from Auld Lang Syne for today’s blog. It’s easier said than done to forget people in our past, even those who have hurt us. This is true especially if they have been a big part of our lives and there are certain times of the day or year that may just call them to mind whether we like it or not. Such is the case for me, whenever Christmastime rolls around.
I had a best friend for ten years, though our last year wasn’t the best of times, at least not for me. Every Christmas we would think of very thoughtful, personal gifts we knew the other would love. We got these ideas from hundreds of conversations we had throughout the year and made mental notes of special things. Whether it was a favorite book from years ago, a special movie, something thoughtful like a basket of favorite tea with a mug, favorite candy, incense, perfume, and so many other ideas that came out of sharing special times together. We would buy several gifts and wrap them and take the box to the Post Office to mail, because we lived 2,000 miles apart. Then, close to Christmas day, when no one was around in either household, we would get a glass of wine, sit under our respective trees and open our gifts together, while on the phone. I looked forward to those days as it was like having two Christmases. I still can’t help but think of my friend every Christmas rolls around although the relationship crumbled three years ago.
This particular memory was brought to mind by the helpful folks at Amazon. You see, for several years I had searched for the Dennis The Menace television series on DVD. My friend had mentioned how much she loved that show to me so many times in our chats, and I was very familiar with it having watched it in my childhood. Every Christmas I would search for the DVDs to surprise her, and every year I found they were not available yet. However, this Christmas, without my even looking for them, Amazon took it upon themselves to advise me the series was out on DVD. I had put Dennis on the back burner of my mind, along with lots of other memories, both good and bad. But, Amazon, without any bad intention at all, except to make a sale and satisfy a long time wish of mine, brought the memories of Christmases past to the present. I looked at the DVDs and remembered all the thought, time and effort we put into making each other’s Christmas joyful. I almost wanted to buy them and send them anonymously, but wasn’t sure I wanted to open the door to the wounds that have been healing nicely over the years. So I didn’t. As much as I would have liked to fulfill a wish from the past, the emotional scars maybe be still a little to fresh for me.
But what I will do, as the song advises, is to think kindly about all the special and good memories I have, all the laughs and all the times we were there supporting each other in crisis. And I will raise a glass and toast to those times, to her healthy and happiness and wish her the very best in the future. I can do that today, without tears and without regret. Despite the way things ended, I feel that somehow I am a better person today for having known her.