Friends and Politics...

Well another four years have rolled around and it’s down to the wire with the Presidential election. Everyone is digging in their heels for their candidate, the guy who is going to make things better for all of us. We all want the same thing, to see our country grow and thrive. A chicken in every pot and a roof over everyone’s head. Prosperity. We want peace in the world and for countries with long standing, historical differences to get along, but ironically as friends, we can’t even get along. There is unfriending and blocking and distancing going on all over the social media because people cannot just agree to disagree. Few can respect another’s right to have their own opinion. It’s a shame.

Let me tell you about my Republican friends. As I look at my friend list I can tell you that they are intelligent people; passionate about their views; religious in their beliefs; compassionate and caring souls; well intentioned; and most of the time I forget they we are on opposite side of the political forum. As for my Democratic friends, they are equally intelligent, passionate and caring people who would drop whatever they are doing to help someone in need. When there is no election, you can hardly tell the two groups apart. But every four years we have to decide on a new leader and politics can be a very divisive force, if you let it.

In the 2008 election there was quite a bit of division among my friends. It was pretty bad. I am not one to censor anyone or tell them how or what they should believe. I don’t take politics personally, it’s just a subject to discuss and debate. Some people do take it personally to the point of giving up friends and arguing with loved ones. It makes no sense to me. But there is one experience I had in 2008 that I would like to tell you about.

Back in May, 2008 I had a friend that I had met online in a forum designed to discuss American Idol. I was new to the forum, she was not. Someone there insulted her daughter in vulgar terms and no one in the forum would come to her aid or defense, but I did. I had two daughters that were around her daughter’s age and I knew how hurt she was. From that point on, we became friends. We chatted everyday. We even met in the city when she came for a visit with her daughter. I brought my daughters and we all had dinner. Then the election rolled around. We didn’t see eye to eye on anything, but I just took it for granted that it wouldn’t impact the friendship at all. So, when she mentioned that she was having some difficulty getting financial aid for her daughter’s last year of college, I immediately began doing research trying to find viable options for her. As I was scouring the internet for solutions to her problem, she was trying to organize “a posse” of our mutual friends to confront me about my political views. One Monday morning she appears online and types I need to talk to you. I am thinking it’s about her financial situation regarding tuition and I was prepared to help. But no, it had nothing to do with that. She had been sending out literally hundreds of emails over the weekend, trying to get people to join forces with her over my political views and posts. To say I was blindsided is to put it mildly. She aggressively ranted in IM, and I sat quietly, taking it all in. My brain could not comprehend what was happening. I was hurt, disappointed and angry. I felt totally betrayed. But, I didn’t lash out. I sat and thought about it. I questioned a couple of people to be sure I had come to the right conclusions about what had transpired. I felt like a fool. All the while I was trying to help her, she was trying to throw me under the bus with other friends; how does someone do this who calls you a friend? I thought about it for about four days. The trust was shattered, so what was left of the “friendship?” I decided to write her a long email telling her exactly what I thought of her. I told her that her definition of friendship and my definition were very different. I terminated the relationship, but really it never existed. She wasn’t who I thought she was, she was a real backstabber. She totally disregarded every good thing about me and focused 100% on my political views. To her that was all that mattered.

Politics addresses some very important issues that we all care about. We all have the same goal in mind, we want the same outcome for the country and its citizens. We just have different ideas of how to achieve these goals. In the end, no matter how each of us votes, it isn’t going to change who gets elected, is it? I live in a state that always votes democratic. If I lived in a swing state, my husband’s vote would cancel mine out. Either way, I have no significant impact on the election. How many of us do? Is it worth losing good friends over it? Is it worth creating hard feelings between loved ones? For me the answer is a clear and simple: no. Relationships should be built on what we have in common and not destroyed by our differences. Elections come and go. Good friends are hard to find and keep. If you have them, cherish them. And, may the best man win.

Devaluing The Word “Friend”

 

I was thinking this morning about how many “friends” I had before Facebook. It wasn’t many, I can tell you that. I have always kept the number of my friends small because the word “friend” means something to me and I don’t use it lightly. For me, being a friend comes with a certain responsibility that I don’t take lightly. There is a certain degree of care and concern that is implied in that word. I could not be there, as I would want to be there for my friends, if I allowed the number of people to get too large. It would be overwhelming to try to be attentive to too many. Even on Facebook, I have had to turn away requests from some very nice people, to tend to the 70 friends or so I have. Some of those are even duplicates, and others hardly use their page. So the number is actually quite smaller than it appears to be. It’s at a comfortable number for me right now.

But Facebook encourages people to make more and more and more “friends.” They suggest friends for us, they want us to be friends with the friends of friends too. The sky is the limit when it comes to adding friends. I’ve seen people with hundreds and thousands of friends on facebook. Just using the word “friend” to describe someone you don’t know and don’t even talk to seems to devalue the word in my mind. What does “friend” mean when everyone you come in contact with is your friend? It means less and less until it means nothing. Facebook encourages you to make friends, all the while devaluing the meaning of the word. It’s making it ordinary when it should be a special word for a special bond. What they really should call “friends” instead are “contacts,” “associates,” “buddies,” “followers,” anything but “friends.”

Out of my 70 friends, maybe 40 or so are actively using their page, but I consider all of them my friends. What can I do for people I have never met, but have grown to know through our facebook pages? Maybe not much, but I will do what I can. I am paying attention and try to show I care. If they post they have a doctor’s appointment, I will wish them good luck or ask how it went. If they ask for prayers, I will acknowledge that and offer my prayers. If it’s their daughter’s birthday, I will stop and wish their child a happy birthday. If they have been absent for a while, I will send a little note asking how they are. If they are nervous about a test or job interview I will try to “hold their hand” and boost their confidence as much as I can. If they have a problem, I try to help them find a solution. If they tell me their child graduated I can share their joy. If a loved one died, I can share their sorrow. It just goes on and on, every day my friends are posting about their lives and I take an interest in them and what is going on. They all give back to me what I give to them. That’s why I call my facebook friends “friends” because that’s what they are, and that’s why I keep them to a chosen few.

If I had 1,000 friends, everyone would be lost in the shuffle. How could I keep up with them all? There couldn’t be an intimate interaction with a chosen few if my newsfeed is being flooded by comments, pictures, videos from the masses. I wouldn’t consider anyone my “friend” regardless of what facebook calls them. I wouldn’t know their children and grandchildren’s names are Megan, Alex, Ellie, James, Mason, Katie, Nancy, Kendra, Cassie, Ruby, Kennedy, Emily, Charlie…or their spouses names. I mean why bother when you don’t have a relationship of any kind.

So, while facebook is a good way of sometimes making or keeping friends, and I have made quite a few, to call everyone a “friend” really takes away from the meaning of the word. People seem to get great pleasure in accumulating “friends” because it makes them feel more popular. But I wonder is how many in those 500 or 1,000 friends remembers to send you birthday wishes, send you prayers, or cares if you go missing for two weeks?

My friend list is going to remain small and intimate. I’m not anxious to add anyone else. When I say “my friend on facebook” I really mean it, I’m not just throwing the word friend around.

Prayers of a Friend...

Last March, I wrote a blog called “Praying for Others,” because I had so many friends who were facing one crisis or another and prayers were the only things I could send. What surprises me is that this blog, out of over 500 that I have written, is the fourth most read of all the blogs here. People need our prayers, people need hope, people need support and encouragement to help them cope with their problems. Many of life’s problems are in God’s hands. If you have serious health issues, for example, doctors can only do so much. Some illnesses are even beyond the skills of a doctor to treat. If a person needs a job because they can’t pay their bills, but there are none to be had, where do they turn? If someone is a caregiver of a loved one, and can get no relief from the 24/7 schedule it requires, who will step in to give them a break? And then there are those who, for one reason or another, have to endure and live with constant physical pain. Pain that even the strongest medication won’t take away. And they have to carry on, with their pain, and do what is needed. 

We all get overwhelmed at times when several things hits us all at the same time, but eventually we can get relief. But, imagine living a life where your problems are there day in and day out with no end in sight? I know many people who, through no fault of their own, have been dealt a very bad hand in life. It hasn’t made them bitter, as I would have expected. In fact, they are some of the strongest, most caring and compassionate people I know. They carry on, they persevere, they joke, they laugh. They accept their situation, not without some frustration from time to time, but with dignity and courage. They are even there to help others whenever they can without a moment’s hesitation. I don’t think I would be strong enough to do what they do. I admire them so much for what they go through every single day with rarely a complaint, while so many of us don’t realize how fortunate we are and take the blessings of our lives for granted.

So I would like to renew my promise to pray for my family and friends, that God continues to give them strength to endure all that they do, that He watches over them and surrounds them with the love and support of family and friends always. I pray that I am able to recognize when someone needs a friend to talk to, for support, for understanding, for compassion, so that I can reach out to them and hopefully give them what they need. No one should ever feel they are alone when there are so many of us willing to listen and help in any way we can. 

Let’s just take a minute to pray for all our family and friends every day so that maybe their burdens will be a little lighter because of the love of a friend.

The Friends You Keep...

They say you can tell a lot about a person by the friends they keep.  And I got to thinking, what do my face books friends say about me?  I keep my list of friends short, 77 in all at the moment.  That’s short compared to most people.  This morning I was scanning my list of names to see who was on it and what I could learn about myself.

I have a handful of family members on the list. They say you can pick your friends, but you can’t pick your family. I guess I am pretty lucky because if they weren’t my family, I would have picked them for friends.  My family is the kind that would drop anything to help you in time of need but, at the same time, we don’t call each other or burden each other with our problems. We take care of our own problems and yet, at the same time, we know we can count on each other to be there to support and help out if the need became great enough.

Now for my friends on facebook.  I have a couple of very nice men on my list of friends.  Gentlemen.  They are very kind, good natured, compassionate people and I enjoy reading their comments, which are very few and far between compared to my female friends.

I have a couple of young women on my list that I consider to be my online “e-daughters.” They both take college classes and are working hard to make it in today’s world.  I am very proud of them. They are mature for their age and have gone through a few things in life that has forced them to grow up a little faster than some. Sometimes they will come to me for a little advice, which I am only too happy to give. But, most of the time they are busy living life to the fullest.  I am so proud of both of them.

The rest of my list is made up of women, some older than me, some younger. Almost all of them are wives and/or mothers, some are single. For the most part, while they are all very different, they do share similar traits that I find inspiring. So many of them have gone through or are going through some difficult adversities.  Life wasn’t too kind to them in many ways.  I often think to myself, how do they do it? How do they go on day after day? I don’t have an answer. They say you do what you have to do, but where do they find the strength?  

The women on my friend list on facebook share strength. They are strong women, who may have a weak moment now and then, but shake it off and go on. They may vent about their problems, release some steam, but then they forge ahead and do what needs to be done.  My women friends have a strong faith in a higher being. They are spiritual. They get their support and hope from God. The bad things that happen to them don’t shatter their beliefs. Instead, when things get worse, they prayer for God’s help and guidance to get them through.  My friends are intelligent women.  They offer different perspectives to situations that I sometimes don’t see myself.  They speak from their own life experiences. I can and have learned a lot from them. My friends are compassionate and loving people. If they see someone struggling or needing help, they jump right in to offer it. They are sensitive, caring women who would nurture the world if it were possible. They are the kind of people, who if they won a hundred million dollars, would be thinking about how much good they could do for others with the money and not about what kind of house or car they would buy. They are down to earth and grounded. They appreciate other people, have their priorities straight, and are honest and loyal.

What amazes me most is their positive attitude.  Despite their own personal daily struggles, they persevere.  They don’t become bitter, full of self pity, shut down and withdraw. They are fighters. They prepare for battle and try to find solutions to anything life throws their way.  And, even in the midst of some of their darkest hours, I still see them reaching out to others who are going through a crisis of their own.

If the friends I keep says something about me, I know it’s all good.  They say “likes attract” and I hope that’s the case for me.  If these are the kind of people I attract then I am blessed. I appreciate each and every one of them. They have enriched my life in so many ways that words cannot even begin to describe it.

Merry Christmas to my Facebook friends!