Dear Ellen,

Dear Ellen,

I am writing, in behalf of a group of friends, who have recently learned that one of us has suffered a devastating loss. We all met a number of years ago on a website sponsored by AOL to discuss the show American Idol. Through the years, on and off seasoned, we have shared our interest in the show and more importantly our lives, and become real friends, though we have never met. I am writing to you out of the love we feel for one another and in the hopes that you will be able to help our friend Angela Rundquist, in this dire time of need.

Angela, and her husband Jesse have four wonderful children. A few years ago they bought a run down farm house in Minnesota and renovated it themselves, one room at a time, over the past few years. They just finished remodeling the last room, a sun room, last week. Angela was thrilled and was going to furnish it with wicker furniture. This past Sunday, while the family was out shopping, there was a fire. When they got home they found their beautiful dream house in a pile of rubble. They was nothing left. All their belongings were burned in the fire. To make maters worse, their two dogs and two cats were killed in the fire. They had just gotten the two dogs from an animal rescue place this past Christmas. Needless to say the family is devastated as are their family and friends. It brings tears to our eyes every time we think of them and what they are going through and how they returned home to find their house and possessions destroyed and their beloved pets killed. The saddest thing of all is that they had no insurance and will not be able to rebuild their home.

We all live in different states, so it makes it virtually impossible for us to help Angela except with donations. Her family has set up a Facebook page to assist them for the present time. I will enclose the link if you are interested in viewing the page and their home before and after the fire. Pictures of her children are also on the page. We are desperate to try and help this family in any way possible. Through the American Idol message board we have become an extended family. We immediately thought of writing to you because we know what a compassionate and caring person you are.

If there is anything you can do for this family it would be very much appreciated. I know Angela and her husband are also great fans of Chris Daughtry. They have seen him sing in local venues and she has pictures of the two of them with Chris. I’m not sure if he could or would help them, but we have no way of getting in touch with him and letting him know.

Ellen, we understand that you must get thousands of letters a week asking for help. We wouldn’t be writing to you if the situation was so dire. Please consider helping them in any way you can. We would all be forever grateful to you.  Thank you.

http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Rundquist-Family-Benefit/192535950783780


　

Praying For Others…

I have few friends compared to most people and it saddens me to know how difficult life can be for many of them. Facebook allows us to enter everyone’s life on a daily basis so I find I know a lot more about what is going on in people’s lives than ever before. It makes me sad to think of the struggles and heartaches everyone is facing right now.

One family, with four children, lost their home and 4 pets to a fire this past weekend. Now they have nothing and no insurance to start over. It’s heartbreaking. Another young friend was admitted to the hospital today for heart surgery to fix a couple of things that are wrong. Another friend’s mother was diagnosed with cancer and operated on last week. A couple of friends are going through custody issues, with their children’s welfare hanging in the balance. Many friends are living in chronic pain from car accidents they have had which could have easily cost them their lives. Many have no health insurance. Others are struggling financially day to day to make ends meet. Some suffer from and battle with depression on a daily basis. It’s a bit overwhelming when I think about it.

So today I am going to pray for all my friends, for all their struggles, and hope they get the help and support and encouragement they need. Pray for the best possible outcomes to their problems. Pray they stay strong and positive in the face of adversity. Pray that I have the right words and actions to be of help where I can and make sure if they need a friend they have one in me.

We shouldn’t have to go through things alone or feel alone. We have people we can turn to who care. They are all around us and they are online too. All we have to do is reach out to ask for help or offer it.
I pray you all have a blessed day and that your burdens are lightened by the love of a friend.

Have You Turned Into Your Mother Yet?

The other day I was looking at my hands. They looked just like my mother’s. I have always had a fear of turning into my mother one day. Our personalities are very similar. We thought along the same lines. I was virtually a little clone of my Mom. Of course I like to think that I was a little more flexible, not as rigid or volatile. But, in many ways, deny it as I try, we were a lot alike.

Well, there is no denying it. I heard on the news today that women turn into their mothers at the ripe old age of 32! What does this transformation include? It includes using her trite expressions, habits like watching soaps, becoming opinionated, and stockpiling groceries. At 32, when many woman decide to have children, they turn into replicas of their mothers.

When we are younger we want independence from our mothers. We want to distance ourselves as much as possible. But, as we get older, we discover that everything Mom has been saying makes sense. All the things we rolled our eyes at and smirked at behind her back, we end up telling our children: stand up straight, money doesn’t grow on trees, don’t eat that it will stunt your growth, and my mom’s favorite…when you have kids I hope you have one JUST LIKE YOU!

So it’s pretty much something we need to learn to accept rather than dread. We look like our Moms, we dress like them and we talk like them. We are them. The thing we have dreaded most since we were kids ends up happening. There is no fighting it and no running from it. So embrace it.

And when we have daughters and watch them smirk, and know they are thinking “Oh my God, I will never be like her!” We will have the infinite satisfaction of knowing, “Yes, you will!”

Mother, Daughter Relationships

This topic is swirling around in my mind, but the words won’t flow on to the paper. I don’t know why. My mother and I had a relationship that lasted over 50 years and I have raised two daughters for over 20 years. I should be able to write a book on it, but I can’t.

This relationship seems like both the most simple and the most complex of my relationships. There is pure unconditional love mixed with ongoing battles of every kind. I had it with my mom and I have it with my daughters. Being a mother myself has helped me to understand better why my mother said and did the things she did while raising me. I also wanted to avoid making some of the mistakes she made with me.

When you have a baby girl your just want to protect her from everything. The world is a bad place and it’s not getting any better. There is so much to worry about: child abduction, child abuse, date rape drugs, rape, teenage pregnancy, eating disorders, drugs, alcohol, drinking and driving. The worrying never ends, even as they get to be adults. You worry about if she will meet the right man, who will love her, respect her, protect her the way you have done all her life. A daughter cannot begin to imagine all the things that goes through a mother’s mind, especially as she gets more independent and we have less control over their lives.

When girls are little they look up to their moms, love spending time with us, cuddle with us; they are like our little clones. Then the hormones kick in, and they turn into know-it-all, agitated teenagers. If you look at them the wrong way they complain. If you ask a simple question they turn it into an argument. If you dare make a suggestion they hear it as criticism. It’s very hard to communicate in any meaningful way during those teenage years. They know everything and we know nothing. But, there is hope! From the years of 18 to 24 they gradually mature and even come to seek your opinion and advice. You are no longer the enemy. Suddenly, they realize that life experience counts for something and you may have knowledge they can benefit from. They are more open to our advice and guidance and even realize we have their very best interests at heart.

The mother, daughter bond is very special. We are both women and we understand how women think and feel. We can read each other’s minds and finish each other’s sentences, because we know each other so well. A daughter can go to her mother about anything and know it’ll be ok. A mother wants her daughter to feel she can always come to her and talk about anything. You can be friends to a degree, but it’s more important to be mother and daughter. It’s a difficult transition for mothers to make, as daughters become more independent, and we have to learn to let go. Just as mothers have to have realize and understand that their “baby” is now a woman, daughters need to appreciate that their mother’s have been looking out for them all their lives and cannot let go overnight. Just like when they were babies and we held on to their hands so they wouldn’t fall and get hurt, we are still holding on to them as adults, right or wrong, so they don’t make serious mistakes that will affect their future.

When I got married and had children, I learned to appreciate my mother even more. When grandchildren come along it’s comforting to have your mother there to help you figure out all the things you need to know. She is your expert. She did a great job with you, who else would you go to for advice? And grandmothers love their new role and seeing their daughters with their own babies. They know the overwhelming feelings of joy and happiness. But, most of all, they know and understand the infinite depth of love that having a new baby brings.

Every once in a while, my older daughter will call me Mommy, just because she knows I love to hear it…and you know it always brings tears to my eyes. They just grew up too fast.

Online Friendships…

People who don’t spend a lot of time online have a hard time understanding online friendships. They will often warn those of us who do have online friends of all the negatives associated with meeting strangers online and are suspicious of their intentions. Granted there is a lot of lying, deceit and cheating going on online today. Every day new scams are being hatched to lure in unsuspecting, trusting, lonely souls. But, everyday new friendships are also being made. Genuine friendships, fast friendships, true friendships.

The reason people can afford to lie, cheat and deceive online is the same reason why close friendships develop. The ability to remain somewhat anonymous and protected by a computer screen. People drop their guard when they are online despite all the warnings that you need to protect yourself. It makes you more vulnerable to scams and allows you to become more intimate in your personal conversations with strangers than you ever would be in your real life. Consequently, friendships develop at a much higher rate of speed through the daily sharing of your life and interests. Communication and connecting with people is far more easier online then face to face.

When you think about it, if you have online friends, you spend a lot of time chatting with them throughout the day. When you aren’t chatting you are sharing what is going on in your life through Facebook status updates. In no time at all you can feel like you’ve known someone for years when it‘s just been a few weeks, or even less. The ability and ease of being able to communicate on a frequent, and regular basis is what allows us to form these relationships and bonds that start out as a friendly exchange and quickly develop into real and long lasting friendships.

The other day, a woman who I never saw or spoke to online, picked me out of a chat forum, to friend on Facebook. I wasn’t going to friend her, but then she instant messaged me and we started to chat. In a few minutes I learned that we grew up in the same neighborhoods and attended the same elementary, junior high, and high schools as I did. Although we are a few years apart, we quickly established a connection out of the blue. Turns out her family’s roots are from the same part of Sicily as my family’s. What are the odds of that? While we were chatting, her husband walked in and was already concerned that she was laughing and talking to a stranger online. We ended with agreeing to try to meet at some point when she was visiting in my neighborhood. Things like this happen every day online.

I consider my online friends “real” friends in every sense of the word. We have helped each other through hard times and celebrated good times together. We pray for each other, laugh together, cry together, conspire together, gossip together, share our lives, thoughts, interests and fears together. We share recipes, pictures, our birthdays. We support and encourage each other,, advise each other, and love each other sight unseen. It’s a connection like no other and it’s very real.

My online friends have been there for me through some very difficult times and helped me to get through them. They are as real as it gets. It’s even more than a community, it’s a family. I just hope they all know how much I appreciate them.

The Borgias!

A few years ago I read a book by Mario Puzo, author of “The Godfather”, called “The Family.” It was a great book about Rodrigo Borgia who was Pope Alexander VI and the corruption at the Vatican during the Italian Renaissance. Up until that time I had always been familiar with the notorious name of Lucretia Borgia, but I never made the connection to the Pope. I recommend reading the book, I couldn’t put it down.

HBO Showtime is starting a new 12 episode series covering the Pope and his family. The time period is set between 1492-1503. You can see or read about every kind of corruption and sin in the book, from incest to murder, that took place while he was Pope. It is one of the most scandalous stories in history. I don’t want to spoilt the plot by giving too many details here, you can always look up the history if you are interested. But I will include the link to the series which has a preview clip you might be interested in watching.

I know I am going to love it! I think you will too!
http://getasword.com/blog/913-the-borgias-2011-hbo-series/

Online Arguing, gggrrrrrr!

I’ve seen so much arguing online that I think I can safely say I am somewhat of an expert on the subject. I never knew so many people enjoyed arguing to the point that they have made it an “art” form. It doesn’t take much to start an argument and have one or several people join in for the sport of it. Almost any comment will arouse emotions, especially if there are people who have the propensity to turn the slightest phrase or opinion into a nasty debate that deteriorates to a personal attack which includes name calling, threats, and vulgar insults.

You may ask, what kinds of things might turn a perfectly peaceful discussion forum into an “uncivil war?” Well, here are a few examples:

American Idol discussion: “David Cook should win, he is a better singer than David Archuleta!” A simple opinion that has incited many verbal riots on the American Idol Discussion board.

Politics: Almost any comment that shows partiality for one party over the other will generate a group attack by members of the opposite party. The most controversial topic I have seen is Sarah Palin. Just ask in any political forum, what makes her qualified to be Vice President or God forbid President, and I guarantee you will be verbally assaulted in no time.

Religion: Many people love to use religion as a good excuse to monitor the discussions, comments, opinions, behaviors of others in a public forum. They are self-appointed monitors, preaching from the pulpit of their computers, and condemning people in the name of peace. Everyone is labeled a “pot-stirrer” for not behaving according to this person’s moral and ethical code. They are called out and admonished, directly or indirectly, for causing disruptions to the conversations and fighting. Ironically, much more often than not, these people wind up causing the most friction and unrest with their pontificating, than the offenders they accuse. And, if you pay attention, you will find that they are hypocrites who do the very things they find so offensive about others.

The Dr. Phil Housewives: This will apply to any television show with participants and contestants, like American idol. People relate or identify or like a particular person and then, if anyone says anything negative about them, they take affront to it as though it is a personal attack. Even if you choose your words wisely and phrase it in such a way as to make it sound like constructive criticism or a polite observation, you are going to get blasted by that person’s fan club. There is no generally accepted policy that we are all entitled to our own opinions and that opinions are neither right nor wrong, but just are. So if opinions vary, as they normally do in life, there will be heated discussions that invariably will blow up in your face. If you think you can express your thoughts in a public forum without incident, you are very much mistaken.

Of course these arguments are petty and stupid, but they often get personal. Once that happens, there is “bad blood” between the parties involved and those who take sides. A history develops between them so that future verbal altercations are inevitable. Some people come to these forums angry and looking for a place to lash out. The internet is a safe place to show your ugly side because you are protected. No one can see you and you can use a fake name to hide your identity. Then you can take all the pot shots you want without repercussions.

I don’t know about you, but I have enough drama in my own life without looking for it online. I go to these forums to have intelligent conversations with people who share my interests and for a few laughs. I’ve gotten some insight and learned a lot, but I do not enjoy the fighting. And, in case you think you can reason with those who do enjoy the fighting, save your breath. They are not interested in keeping the peace.

Happy chatting!