Holier Than Thou People...



Most of us try to do the right things in life if only so we can look ourselves in the mirror everyday and like who we see. None of us wants to live with guilt, regrets or remorse. But, there is a group of people out there who feel morally superior to everyone else and think their above the average person in their ability to know right from wrong. These people are the holier than thou’s group. They see themselves as much fairer, more self-sacrificing, more ethical, more concerned for the welfare of others. I know you’ve already run into some along the way and haven’t appreciated the experience.

The source of the problem is that these people have an inflated, unrealistic view of themselves. They will criticize someone’s actions, say they would never do such an immoral thing and then fall short when their “morality” is tested. The fact is no one knows what they would actually do in any given situation unless confronted with that situation. A holier than thou person can predict he would do the right thing, but it doesn’t always work out that way. More often than not, they will react just like every other average person when in the same or similar circumstances. Statements like: I would never, cheat on a test or taxes, never gossip, never lie, never break the law, and many others, are socially acceptable views, but does everyone stick to them?

These same holier than thou people, with their mistaken inflated views of themselves will then apply these beliefs to others behavior hold everyone else up to their high standards, even though they themselves do not meet these standards of behavior. This leads them to harshly criticize and judge others behavior for falling short and can also harm or ruin others’ reputations. And, when they judge others, it only serves to make themselves appear even more superior in their own eyes.

You would think that if the holier than thou population experienced situations where their behaviors fall short of their own high expectations of others, that that would certainly teach them something and humble them to the point where their expectations become more realistic. They might realize for example, that some behaviors are caused by the situations and not the moral character of the people involved and resist making judgments. That would be a great outcome. However, people’s behaviors are not that easily changed and I think the holier than thou’s would like to keep their little rating system in place. To keep themselves up on a pedestal and the rest of us peons in place, they set up a double standard whereby they are not breaking any rules, even if they are doing the same exact thing. They create their own loop holes and in so doing become hypocrites as well.

I think we all guilty of having a little “holier than thou” tendency built into ourselves. After all, it’s not so bad to think good of yourself and to have standards of behavior that are a little idealistic. The trouble comes from trying to impose your idealistic set of beliefs on others and then criticize them when they fail to meet them.

The sad news for the holier than thou people is that they are going to fall off that pedestal one day; and the trip down will bring with it a rude awakening, that they too are like everyone else.

Super Bowl Sunday Trivia...



A long standing American tradition whose popularity has spread around the world. I’m taking a break from complaining to bring you some interesting Super Bowl trivia that you can use later, if you are having a party, to entertain your guests during commercials. Did you know…

Who will be watching?

151.6 million people
194 million blades of grass in the field
232 countries will be broadcasting it in
34 languages
1 language does not translate the word football into soccer

How much FOOD will be consumed?

  8 million pounds of pop corn
28 million pounds of potato chips
53.5 million pounds of avacados
293,000 number of miles of potato chips, laid end to end
1 billion chicken wings consumed
325.5 million gallons of beer consumed

How much money moves around for the game?

$5.6 billion dollars spent on Super Bowl items
$400 million added to the economy
$2.8 million spent on a 30 second television ad
2.9 million HD televisions bought for the game

What about Super Bowl Parties?

41 days in advance plans for parties are made
20 million Americans will attend parties
17 average number of people per party
40% of viewers are not fans
25% of women watch the game and enjoy it
10 million hours are spent preparing food

When Parents Reach Old Age…

When you are growing up you never think you will one day lose your parents. They take care of us when we are little, they battle with us when we are teenagers, they pay for our college education, they guide us in making major life decisions, and they love us unconditionally. We just always assume they are going to be there forever, making everything ok when the world treats us badly.

But, that is not the way it goes. They can’t stay around forever. One day you wake up and they are older, fragile, and becoming more dependent. Roles reverse as we now have to take care of them and help them live with dignity. With old age comes illness, forgetfulness, doctors, hospitals, weakness, and pain. It’s hard for older children to watch, hopeless and helpless to do anything about it, as it takes over the body and mind of what used to be the independent and strong person we grew up with.

It’s heartbreaking.

My father was a very strong man. He came here from Sicily in 1953 and worked most of his life in construction. His hands were huge. He rarely got sick and never missed a day of work, even if he had a fever. Then, one day, he was diagnosed with colon cancer at the age of 73. The news was devastating to me. I cried and grieved as though he had just died. He had his operation and they removed the tumor, but he had to wear a colostomy bag and he hated it. But, he recuperated and took care of himself in no time at all. He was so strong. He had a good year, then cancer came back again, but it was at the opening outside the body. The doctors removed it. He had another good year. Then there was another recurrence, this time the tumor was attached to the bone inside the body. There was nothing they could do but give him medicine to control the pain. He suffered, got thinner, and wasted away right before our eyes. We put him in a hospice because they promised they would control the pain. They didn’t. He died in pain because they were afraid the dose of pain medication required would have killed him.

My mother was a strong willed woman and as sharp as one can be intellectually. She was a stay at home mom in every sense of the word. She was shrewd with finances, rarely sick, and the very epitome of the matriarch of the family. One day my brother took her to the doctor and explained some things that concerned him. The doctor told him she was in the early stages of Alzheimer’s. Another kick in the gut. My mother had always had a very sharp and active mind. Now she was going to lose it to this insidious disease. The doctor gave her medication that was supposed to slow down it’s progress and other pills to keep her from getting agitated. Well, she started having hallucinations, becoming more and more forgetful and difficult to handle. She became paranoid. We wanted to keep her at home as long as possible so we hired someone to be there during the day while my brother was at work. She drove the woman crazy. Then, one day she fell in the house. She was taken to the hospital and from there they sent her to a nursing home/rehab. She was there about a year. She kept telling us she wanted to go home, but she needed round the clock care and wouldn’t get it at home. My brother went there every day to make sure they were doing everything for her that they were supposed to. If you don’t visit often, they neglect those patients for the ones whose family visits. One day my mom has a stroke. There is nothing they can do, it’s not a bad stroke, but it prevents her from swallowing food. They want to know from us what they should do. We tell them to keep her on the IV because it keeps her comfortable, but no food tube. They tell us it will be a few days, but it ended up being 5 weeks. She was comfortable, she still knew us and my brother took time from work to be there all day, every day. Then, the IV wasn’t helping any more. They took it off and gave her something to put her to sleep. She never woke up and passed on, in less than 24 hours, peacefully in her sleep.

I miss them both so much. I never thought about their passing on at all until confronted with it head on. They were both so active and healthy until they got these devastating diagnoses and then deteriorated pretty fast.

Old age can’t be avoided, we just never expect it to come so soon, for it to take our parents and then for it come for us.
　

Catfights...

Are not a new concept in today’s culture, but they seem to be popular and becoming more frequent, especially among young girls. It is a term used to described fights between women. And can involve hair pulling, slapping, scratching, and ripping clothing. It can even be used to describe verbal confrontations between women using nasty, insulting language.

The term “catfight” seems to have originated with an 1824 mock poem by Ebenezer Mack used to describe a fight between women. At that time the word “cat” was slang for a spiteful person, especially a woman.
The most famous television “catfight” took place in the 1980s on Dynasty between Krystal Carrington (Linda Evans) and Alexis Colby (Joan Collins) where their very physical brawl landed them both in a pond. It is really worth finding it on you tube if you missed it. I still remember it vividly.

Apparently, catfights are the result of competition between women in different areas of their lives. You can find them in the business world, in the schoolyard, in the neighborhood and even online. These rivalries can lead to aggressive behavior. Some examples you might relate to is the working mother who decides to be a stay-at-home mother and then criticizes the women who continue working as not properly caring for their children. Maybe you’ve been out at a party with a boyfriend or your husband and a very attractive woman comes over to make conversation, so you get closer to your man and touch him while throwing daggers in her direction? A woman you work with fails to email you or give you a file that is necessary for a meeting and you immediately think she is sabotaging you.

Women feel pressure to look prettier, land better boyfriends and husbands, be popular with co-workers, and be considered good mothers. They have decisions to make about getting married and settling or remaining frustrated and single, be ambitious at work or feminine, be a stay at home mother or a working mother. Then they resort to judgment and competitiveness to validate their choices.

My observation of catfights online is that it is very prevalent. Some women become jealous of the more popular, well respected women on a chat forum and then try to discredit them anyway they can. Others have different opinions on subjects or how to handle disruptive posters. Women cannot simply agree to disagree. Instead it turns into a free-for-all insulting exchange of words. I find this behavior interesting, but also demeaning to women. There are ways to have civil exchanges without judgment, name calling, insults and slurs. We should hold ourselves to a higher standard.

That being said, everyone enjoys watching a good catfight, and maybe that is part of the problem?

Moms’ Words Of Wisdom And Other “Nagging” Advice…

Mothers around the world all have one huge thing in common…children. This is enough to change a woman’s brain into a mother’s brain and suddenly, upon giving birth, a whole set of new information on child rearing is downloaded into our heads. It has to be or how else can you explain the universal speech of mother’s throughout the world? Here are a few things “we” have been documented as saying, but there are literally hundreds if not thousands of Momisms:

- “Always wear clean underwear in case you get in an accident.” I’m sure that EMT’s are trained to check underwear before checking vital signs in all accidents.

- “You’re the oldest, you should know better” and “You’ll always be my baby” This couple of phrases sends mixed messages.

- “You can’t find it?” which is followed by one of the following: “if you put things where they belonged you wouldn’t have this problem,” “where did you last leave it?,” or “I can’t find it for you, I’m not the maid!”

- And on “life” they say: “Who said life was going to be easy?” “Life is not fair” “I brought you into this world and I can take you out.”

- On food: “Think of the starving children in…” “You just ate an hour ago.” “You can’t start the day on an empty stomach.” “Chew with your mouth closed”

- “I’m not…your maid, your taxi service”

- The “If yous” If you don’t finish dinner, no dessert.” “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” “If you don’t stop crying I’ll give you something to cry about.” “If I told you once, I told you a thousand times.” “If I want your opinion, I’ll ask for it!” “If I catch you doing that one more time I’ll…” “If God wanted you to have holes in your ears (tongue, eyebrows..) He would have put them there!”

- The “don’ts”: “Don’t make me get up.” “Don’t run in the house.” “Don’t sit too close to the television, you’ll go blind.” “Don’t go out with a wet head, you catch a cold.” “Don’t stay up late.” “Don’t run with a lollipop in your mouth.” “Don’t use that tone with me.” “Don’t EVER let me catch you doing that again!”

- And the reminders: “Did you brush your teeth?” “Did you wash your hands?” “Did you finish your homework?” “Did you comb your hair?” “Did you make your bed?” “Did you remember to flush the toilet?”

Yes we could write volumes on what mothers all over the world have to say to their children on a daily basis. There was a woman on Dr. Phil who actually made up a song about this very thing and all moms can relate to it. If you haven’t heard it you really should give a listen…it’s pretty amazing! (link below!!!)

Mothers are amazing!!!
　
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GE6EkAvV4-Y

How Do Women Irritate Men?

I know women aren’t innocent in the battle of the sexes, so there has to be a few ways we get under a man’s skin from time to time. However, I needed a little help finding out what were men’s biggest complaints. After a little research this is what I learned.

Men don’t like it when women go to great lengths to be sweet during dating and then change after they have the guy hooked. For example, they notice that while dating a woman goes through a lot of trouble to wear sexy lingerie to bed, but afterwards comes to bed with curlers and cream on her face. While dating she talks sweet, smiles and bats her eyes, after she frowns, yells, and gains weight.

Women are too clingy and mistrust men. They don’t give them enough space. Some are even jealous and possessive.

Women have unrealistic expectations and want too much. They want the house, two cars, credit cards, kids…more things than a man can afford.

Women expect men to be mind readers. They try to communicate with facial expression, gestures or body language. A man has all to do to understand a direct verbal message, let alone subtle nonverbal signals. This often results in arguments. A man will ask, “What’s the problem?” and a woman will answer, “You know what the problem is!” when in truth he really doesn’t.

Men aren’t intimidated by women who make more money or drive expensive cars. What they resent is the way the women flaunt their success in order to be superior in the relationship. It turns the relationship into a power struggle.

Women call men several times a day to discuss trivial things. They do not like to be interrupted at work for pointless conversations.

Over analyzing what a man says is something some women do. It really isn’t necessary because when a man says something he literally means what he says. This may be due to the fact that women often say one thing and mean another, so they expect men to do the same thing. For example, a woman will say, “No, I’m not mad.” when she really means “I am pissed at you and it’s payback time.”

Men do not like it that women use “PMS” to excuse their bad behavior. They feel women exaggerate and exploit it to get men to do what they want.

Men think women talk too much whereas women think men do not communicate enough. As I explained in yesterday’s blog, women use a lot more words per day than a man (7,500 vs. 2,500) so they can never keep up with us. The best way to communicate with a man is to keep it short and simple if you want to keep his attention and be heard.

Of the biggest things men hate is when women want to go shopping with them. Men and women have different shopping styles. Man is a hunter therefore he knows what he is there to buy and targets it, buys it and goes home. Women like to “graze” and look at everything in the store. Men get tired and bored with the whole experience. They get frustrated when a women tries on 25 items and asks them how they look, when they really do not care what the man has to say.

Well, as far as I can see, they have some valid points. Unfortunately, men and women are wired differently so neither of us is going to change any time soon. But learning about how each sex communicates and behaves can teach us tolerance and understanding and we can make some compromises and adjustments so as not to get on each others nerves so much.
　

How Do Men Irritate Women, Let Me Count The Ways…

Men always act like innocent lambs when you try to bring something to their attention, or they have a “good” excuse handy. Let’s face it, men and women are so different and never the twain shall meet. We just have to accept it. But, there are a few things that could benefit greatly from if they pay attention. Maybe if they irritated us less, their lives would be more peaceful.

The toilet seat is the classic answer. Men, from the beginning of toilet seat history, can never remember to put the seat down.

Another irritating thing men do is assume that the house cleans itself. Clothes jump off the floor onto hangers, dishes wash themselves, the vacuum is always on call and comes out when needed, the food fairy shops and cooks the meals and the never ending laundry goes from basket to washer to dryer to folded neat piles all on its own. That’s is why men frequently ask the question, “What have you done all day?” With the house taking care of itself, it doesn’t leave us much else to do.

Men think their purchases are necessities, but women’s purchases are frivolous spending. Therefore his nice new shiny golf club is far more important than toothpaste, toilet paper, and laundry detergent.

Men want their women to stay thin and sexy for them. However, they don’t seem to mind their own bald heads or beer bellies. Doesn’t staying attractive for one’s mate work both ways?

Men forget important dates like birthdays and anniversaries. If they manage to remember, they shop at the last minute and put little or no thought into it.

Sports widows. Men can be glued to the television for hours listening to announcers drone on and on about the game or the players. They never seem to get tired of listening, never that is until a woman has something to say. What woman wouldn’t want her mate to pay her even half the attention he devotes to a game?
How about when you are trying to tell a man about something that he did or something that went wrong during your day and he responds with, “that’s no reason to be upset.” Not only don’t they “hear” what you are saying, but they pick the worst phrase to say to comfort us.

Men are born with the fixed idea that women can’t drive. Yet men have most of the accidents and get the most speeding violations.

Men grunt instead of having a conversation. I know the reason for this. Men and women use a different amount of words per day. Men use about 2,000 to 2,500 while women use 7,000 to 7,500. That means a man has already used all his words at work and we have 5,000 extra words we need to say. But, he should make an effort to participate in some conversation, if not it leads to a lot of frustration.

I am sure I could add much more to the list. Men are indeed irritating, but a lot of it could be the way they are wired or socialized to behave. I guess we just have to take the good with the bad?