Thursday, February 14, 2013

Remnants of a Friendship...Part 10

Part 10

I don’t exactly recall what happened in the latter days of August, 2009. I don’t remember how much or how little we spoke on the phone. But I vividly remember her calling the Tuesday night, right before Labor Day. She was dropping her son off at college for his class, and she said to me that I needed to call her because she was so busy she forgets to pick up the phone. Knowing she was busy and probably tired too, I didn’t call on any of the weeknights. When Friday came, I thought to myself, maybe she will call, it’s a three day weekend, but she didn’t. On Saturday, I thought she might call and I still hesitated to call because I wasn’t so sure she would be as receptive as she implied. Sunday rolled around. I usually cook and spend the day with my family, so I waited. At 6 PM I called Marie, as she had asked me to do. No answer on her house or cell phone. At 6:30 PM I tried again, she didn't picked up. Now, I know for a fact that she keeps her cell phone on her at all times. While I was there in July, she didn’t miss taking one call from anyone. So this is already making me upset because I am thinking she is purposely ignoring my calls. But maybe she wasn't, maybe something was wrong. At 9 PM I call again and she finally picks up. She tells me she has been busy cleaning and was going to call when she was done. Then she asked me, "Do you want me to call tonight or tomorrow?" I said, "Do whatever is good for you" (and thought it would be nothing new). The sickening feeling returned. We hadn’t spoken all week and she couldn’t even take a break from cleaning to talk to me after she had been the one who asked me to call? I had to wonder how many other calls she had taken in between 6 PM and 9 PM. I asked myself why do I keep putting myself through this? It had been months and, instead of things getting better between us, they were getting worse. She obviously didn't value me or our friendship any more. It seemed clear to me she had moved on, whether she admitted it or not. This little exchange was just more of the same and it left me very upset.

Monday morning, Labor Day, I had made up mind that I would not be calling her any more. It was too difficult. Even seeing her name on the caller ID created a lot of anxiety. I was tired of that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach and of hearing my annoying gut say, “I told you so.” I went about my business and tried to distract myself with other things. At 11 AM the phone rings, it’s Marie. She is still busy cleaning while she is on the phone, and tells me she is getting ready to go to her sister’s house. At the same time she is talking to her on again/off again boyfriend in the background. My nerves were shot and her disposition clearly was not pleasant. It sounded like it was such an effort for her to call me and I didn't want to be on the phone any more. I said, "I’ll let you go do what you have to do," and we hung up. That was Labor Day, 2009. I was done. I had reached the end off my rope. I didn't want to see her name on caller ID. I didn't want to hear her voice. I didn't want to read any text messages from her. I didn't want any emails. I needed to focus on me, my health, and my family. I had my oncologist appointment in October and it was my fifth anniversary of cancer diagnosis. I knew I had been dealing with months of stress because of this toxic situation and the way it affected me. The sad thing was that this relationship, that once brought me nothing but joy, was giving me nothing but grief and it had to end. I resolved that I needed to do what was best for me from now on.

No comments:

Post a Comment