Friday, October 7, 2011

Alexis Stewart Writes New Mommy Dearest Book

Sorry to fans of Martha Stewart, but I feel the urge to write about her daughter, Alexis’, new tell all book. But first I have to say that is has always been hard for me to like Martha Stewart. Maybe it’s her monotonous way of speaking regardless of the topic. Her intonation never goes up or down, it’s just a flat line. Most of us get excited about something and it is clear when our voices go up, but not for Martha. I recall watching one of her craft shows. I always loved making crafts when the girls were little. I made lots of things with them, especially around the holidays. So when Martha said she was making ornaments for the tree, I sat down to listen and take notes. She was going to show us how to make glitter covered Christmas balls for the tree. However, Martha is never satisfied to use ordinary supplies you can get at Walmart. I should have known. She gets around to listing her supply list and when she gets to the glitter, she tells us she gets it from Germany! She does the same thing when she talks about recipes, there is always something in there that I never heard of. Of course I am not a cook or baker, but the parchment paper always grated on my nerves.

Well let me get back to her daughter’s book, “|Whateverland: Learning To Live Here.” Alexis reveals what it is like to live with Martha Stewart and to be her daughter. Some of the details that hit the media are pretty unbelievable, but that’s what sells books.

Alexis says her mother, Martha, liked to pee with the door open. Alexis finally had to ask her to stop doing it when she started having her friends over to the house. And although Martha promotes cooking, wrapping gifts and crafts for kids, her daughter says Martha didn’t cook, wrap gifts or greet trick or treaters at the door with candy. Martha made Alexis wrap her own Christmas presents. For Halloween, there were no costumes, they turned off all the lights and pretended they weren’t home. Alexis says there was never any food to eat in the house. There were however, all the ingredients to make something, but no prepared food. Alexis said if she didn’t do something perfectly, she would have to do it again and “she grew up with a glue gun held to her head.”

Martha made people take their shoes off in the house, but Alexis says her dogs would urinate and defecate on her rugs. And while Martha is worth a reported 970 million dollars Alexis claims she is a chronic hoarder.

Martha complains that Alexis doesn’t invite her over for dinner. However Alexis says there is a reason for that. When she does have her mother over she will take a sip, taste it, make a face and push it away. And here is a nice little nugget:

"A woman lived near us when I was little, had married someone very wealthy and very unattractive, and my mother actually told me when I was a small child, 'Now Alexis, if this ever happens, you make sure you have sex with somebody else to have their baby. Don't have his baby.'"

I’m really not surprised at any of what Alexis has to say. There is something “unnatural” about Martha. I just hope her Alexis has not been too badly affected by her mother’s parenting. Alexis had a baby girl at the age of 45, this past March, after 5 years of trying. Maybe she will be able to fix the past with her own daughter.

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