Sunday, February 13, 2011

PLAN B: If No Husband Found…

In yesterday’s blog I described how I set out to find a husband in my twenties and I was successful. But, I did have a plan B. Many of the men out there were jerks and I realized early on that it was going to be difficult to find someone who could measure up to my standards in trustworthiness, honesty, intelligence, morality, education and compassion. I would have had no difficulty staying single rather than settling for a man that was not suitable, however I wanted to have children. I remember wanting to have children from the age of 5 years old. My maternal instincts were very strong. So, what to do if I never find Mr. Right???

I thought long and hard about this dilemma. I was not going to give up on having children just because I did not meet the right man. I was working and living at home, so I decided to take advantage of that and save as much money as I could for my future. If I was going to have a baby, I needed to be independent and be able to provide for it. I gave myself a deadline. If I was not married by the age of 32 I would look into artificial insemination! That would be my plan B.

Of course, I was raised in an old fashioned, traditional Italian family of Catholics. This artificial insemination plan was not going to go over big. One day I decided to mention it to my mother. I brought up the conversation one day and told her point blank that if I was not married by 32 I was going to have a baby on my own. She was speechless for a few seconds. Her brain would not accept the information I had just put out there. I told her how much having a baby meant to me and I would have one, one way or another.

After considering what I said and announcing that my father would kill me, she had her own plan. She told me I should just marry a guy, have a baby and divorce him. To her this was an acceptable alternative to artificial insemination! I had to laugh. I told her, in other words, you want me to PAY for a wedding, have a baby, then PAY for a divorce and have a jerk in my life forever because he is the baby’s father??? No answer from my mother. I told her that makes no sense. I will have my own baby and raise it myself with no one to answer to.

That was my Plan B. I still think it was a good plan. Nowadays, it’s more acceptable than it was 30 years ago. But, it’s good to know women have options. You don’t have to settle or marry beneath you to have children. It’s no one’s business how you conceived or why. Considering the divorce rate in this country, it would be wise to proceed into marriage with caution anyway. But, when the biological clock is ticking and there is no suitable man around, you have to take matters into your own hands and do what’s right for you.

I am convinced I would have used my Plan B had I not married. Being a mother is not something I was willing to leave to chance.

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