Saturday, December 17, 2011

Getting Over A Breakup...

I have never had my heart broken by a man like so many girls do.  I always kept my feelings in check and never allowed myself to get too invested.  Most guys I dated were not who I was looking for, so it was easy.  I knew what I wanted in a man and wasn’t going to settle until I found him.  But, I have had my heart broken, shattered really, by best friends.  I have had three friendships that should have lasted a lifetime and when they didn’t, it was devastating.  I imagine it feels much the same way as breaking up with a boyfriend.  The thing is, how do you get over the heartache and pain and the void that has been left in your life?

I did plenty of talking and crying.  I was depressed, angry and hurt.  This last time was just a little over two years ago.  It’s a long story, I may blog it sometime if I want to relive it.  The short version is that my best friend was distancing herself from me over a period of months.  She had found a “new” best friend, someone she reconnected with, and I was put on the back burner.  I went from the top of her list of priorities to the bottom.  When I asked about it, she denied anything had changed, but I knew better.  It came to a point that it was more hurtful for me to communicate with her than it was to stay away.  I decided I needed time to distance myself too and explained that too her.  She didn’t like my explanation and would not give me the time, so the relationship dissolved.  I took it hard, but I made the right decision.  She wasn’t treating me well, the way I deserved to be treated, and I was better off moving on and letting go.  But it wasn’t so easy.  

I got depressed and it wasn’t going away.  I hated the way I was feeling and didn’t know what to do.  It was almost a year later. One day, someone suggested I go to the doctor and get some pills.  That suggestion hit me like a ton of bricks!  What am I crazy I thought?  It was like Cher had paid me a visit and slapped me saying “SNAP OUT Of IT!”  I thought, I’ll be damned if I am going to take pills to get over someone who didn’t appreciate me or everything I did for her.  I had to have a plan of action to get myself back on track.  Distractions.  That’s all you need to get over a breakup…lots of distractions.

I started spending more time with my girls.  One day we watched Julie and Julia, the movie about the cooking blog.  A short while later I told my daughter I’m going to start a blog and get famous!  She helped me start pet peeves.  In retrospect, I wish I had given it more thought and picked a better name, but it was a joke and spur of the moment.  My thinking was that I complain all the time so how hard would it be to write a blog a day?  I could write even more if I wanted to.  So that worked out for me because I love to write and my blog is about 15 months old now!  I’m not famous, but plenty of people enjoy my writing enough to come back every day.

I started following the Dr. Phil Housewives and joined their face book page.  I made a lot of friends on that page and a few enemies.  Distractions.  I had some great conversations, debates, and even fights.  So many people came to the page every day and you never knew what would happen.  We laughed, we joked and we got to meet the housewives themselves, who were pretty good sports about all the criticism they were getting.  I have to say, the page was very therapeutic for me, regardless of some of the dysfunction going on.

I heard about the 17 Day Diet and asked for the book last Christmas.  I went on the diet in January and had to focus on that.  I rallied some facebook friends to join me in diet and exercise. It was not only fun and easy, but in losing the ten pounds I felt a lot better, my year long lower backache disappeared and so did the water in my ankle!  I started feeling like my old self, only better.

I reconnected with some old friends.  Called and met them for lunch.  It was nice surrounding myself with people who cared about me and missed me.  And my friends, online and here at home, helped me to heal.  Time does wonders for broken hearts, if you fill it up with the right things.  I filled mine with the people I loved and things I enjoyed.  In the process I learned to appreciate myself even more.  I developed some new talents, made lots of new friends, and even fulfilled some long time dreams.

It’s amazing how you can turn a devastating experience into a fulfilling one.  Yes I suffered a tremendous loss, but now I realize how much I have gained.  I put the energy I was wasting pining away into action.  So many good things have come out of it that I could have never imagined.  

That’s my secret for broken hearts.  Distractions.  Your heart will mend itself and you will come out better and stronger and, more importantly, wiser in the end.


  1. I can relate.. good advice, thanks!

  2. Friends can help heal a broken heart by being there to pay attention, but they need to be patient. After the first few several weeks of getting over a bad split, people may still need to talk over it. If friends are bored and exhausted of the talk, try discussing it with mother and father, other family members, or a encouraging instructor or minister. When this is still not enough, getting therapy from a specialist can be an excellent way to perform out challenging thoughts.