The ABCs of Murder!

Got someone you’d like to kill, but afraid you’ll get caught? Watch a few episodes of the shows I suggested yesterday: Snapped, Forensics Files and 48 Hours and learn the absolute basics of how murderers get caught and what you can do to avoid the common pitfalls. These shows teach not only you and I the ABC’s of murder, but also all potential murderers who just need a little guidance as to how not to get caught. Here are just a few thoughts I can share:

First of all, get rid of your cell phone. Many a murderer is caught because he/she is busy using their cell phone before and after committing the crime. Cell phones connect you to towers in the area from which you make a call. They place you at the scene of the crime minutes before and after it has taken place. They also help connect you to others who have helped you or are in cahoots with you, if you are calling them to tell them the job is done. You might want to leave your cell phone with a teenager at home and tell them you have unlimited minutes. They might run up your bill, but your cell phone will be your alibi that you haven’t left the house.

Second, don’t do any research on your computer! Searching for ways to commit the perfect crime and the effects of antifreeze will only create suspicion and point the finger directly at you. Incriminating emails to someone you are plotting with or having an affair with can be deleted, but remember that every keystroke, to everything you have ever written, remains in your hard drive. The police have experts to decipher all that and then it becomes damning evidence.

Third, for heaven’s sake use gloves, but not latex gloves! While latex gloves will not allow you to leave fingerprints at the crime scene, they preserve your fingerprints inside the glove! If you lose one at the scene, all they have to do is turn it inside out and you’re busted!

Fourth, do not smother someone and then burn the house down. It doesn’t take them anytime at all to realize the person was dead before the fire was set because the lungs so not show smoke inhalation. So, you’d better figure out a way to let them breathe in some of that smoke before they take their last breath.

Fifth, if you wear any kind of shoes at all, you’d better burn them after the crime. Not only is it possible to pick up the tiniest amount of blood splatter from the shoes, even if you can’t seen it, but from the pattern of the soles of the shoes the authorities not only know what type of shoe it is, but the size. No way you can plead innocent if your shoes put you at the scene of the crime. Maybe borrow a pair from someone you hate.

Sixth, do not bite the victim, even in the heat of the moment. Like shoes, teeth impressions can and often do lead right back to the person of interest.

Seventh, wear a cap over your hair so as not to leave even one strand of hair, do not help yourself to a drink of any kind and leave saliva on the glass, do not smoke and leave the butt of a cigarette there, if the victim scratches you you had better clean their nails because all of these things provide DNA, which is irrefutable evidence that you were there.

Eighth, blood splatter…try to avoid this at all costs. If blood of the victim is involved you can bet your boots it will end up in your car one way or another. Whether from your clothing or shoes, finger tips, weapon or whatever. The messier the crime the more attention to detail you have to pay to get rid of evidence.
There are probably many more tips I could pass on, but I think you get the picture. TV is educating America on how to commit the perfect crime AND because there is nothing else on television to watch, we are all getting a “killer” of an education!